I think it's silly for someone to say that my identity is based on who I'm married to because I changed my name. How is that any different or worse than your identity being based on who your father is? My husband IS part of my identity. I'm a wife, HIS wife. I'm a mother, the mother of a child HE helped me create. That's definitely a part of my identity. I have no problem with that. But, it's not my whole identity. The "me-ness" of me is who I am and who I would be even without a name. My name is only my public identity, not the whole of who I am.
Nicely put I agree with this, if your identity is based on a name, then there really isn't much to you is there? You're more than just a name