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Thread: The LAST Name
April 4th, 2013 06:39 PM #86
My last name is really short, one syllable (It actually sounds a bit similar to Short) and I would probably hyphenate.
My parents aren't married, and I got my moms' last name with my dad's name in the middle, so I have four names (two middles). I really like both my initials and my 'given' middle name, and I wouldn't feel right dropping one of my parents' last names.
However, I would be fine being called Mrs. Hislastname and what-not. I would probably go by that. But officially, I would have a hyphenate. Also, I would have my husbands' last name as mine, and my kids would probably have his, so I wouldn't feel 'separate' from the rest of the family.
I would probably try to get him to hyphenate my last name too, and give the kids the hyphenate, because then we would all have the same last name and I wouldn't be giving anything up, just adding on .-lists currently under construction-
June 24th, 2013 10:10 PM #88
When I get married I plan to take my husband's last name. It doesn't bother me when women decide not to take their husband's names, but to me it is something I have always planned on doing and I do find it appealing. I honestly have not ever met a married woman in person, that I know of, who has not taken her husband's last name. I think it is just something that most people from the area where I am from usually do. Either way, at the end of the day you are a family and that is what matters.
June 25th, 2013 09:08 AM #90
This question is for all the MEN - Do you expect a woman take her husband's last name? Why or why not?
I'm gonna answer this for my husband since we had a huge discussion about it before I got married. He didn't expect me to take his last name, but he wanted me to. He told me it was my decision, but he was honest about the fact that he would like to me take his because he felt it connected us as a family.
Now this question is for the LADIES - Did you take your husband's last name? Why or why not?
In the end, I decided to take his last name.
1) I had not attachment to my father's last name
2) I no longer "belonged" to my father
3) a part of me felt that if I didn't take it, it meant I didn't trust him, like I was planning for a divorce. I hear so many women who didn't change their last name claim it's because if they get a divorce they don't want any "attachment" or memory to him. (in all honesty those women probably shouldn't have even married)
4) I wanted us to share the same last name, so the public would know we are a family, plus I don't want our future kids to end up confused or have double barrel names.
5) I didn't want to double barrel, it's just too much name
6) Husband was established in his career, so changing his name would be too much work while I wasn't working at the time. Otherwise I might have pushed harder for creating/making up our own last name. (He also liked his last name despite the fact there are like a billion of them!)
Also, if you're going to use the patriarchal argument, it just doesn't work, most last names come from men. It's just a matter of "belonging" to your father or your husband. Even if you have your mother's name, it's likely your grandfather's and thus you and your mother would "belong" to your grandfather.
Last edited by catloverd; June 25th, 2013 at 09:11 AM.
June 25th, 2013 09:58 AM #92Junior Member
- Join Date
- May 2013
- North Carolina
I have chosen to take my fiance's last name once we get married this October. I have decided to do this because yes, as stupid as some of you think it is, I want us to feel like a family. I want to refer to us as The HisLastNames. It will also help me feel more of a connection to his family. He also wanted me to take his name and to give our children his name because he is the only male in his generation with that surname, and he doesn't want it to end with him. I am attached to my maiden name, though, so I will put that as a second middle name and I will use it as my middle initial.Current faves:
Melanie Anne, Caroline Olivia, William Gregory, Benjamin Patrick
June 25th, 2013 01:55 PM #94
I LIKE the tradition of a family sharing the same last name. Of course WE know we're a family, but having the same last name is a way of showing it publicly. I like that. I don't really care whose last name it is, but since it has traditionally been the man's last name it makes genealogy easier by followed the same pattern. I liked my original last name and it was bitter-sweet letting it go, but you get over it.
I think it's silly for someone to say that my identity is based on who I'm married to because I changed my name. How is that any different or worse than your identity being based on who your father is? My husband IS part of my identity. I'm a wife, HIS wife. I'm a mother, the mother of a child HE helped me create. That's definitely a part of my identity. I have no problem with that. But, it's not my whole identity. The "me-ness" of me is who I am and who I would be even without a name. My name is only my public identity, not the whole of who I am.