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Thread: The LAST Name

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    482
    I took my husband's last name even though I like my maiden name much better. I don't really like how my first name and my husband's last name sound together (both have the same number of syllables and end in "a", so they kind of rhyme). I changed my last name so that I would have the same last name as my kids. I might be a little old fashioned, but I think a common last name symbolizes that the family is united while having different last names creates some symbolic divide. While I totally understand that people with established careers may have an advantage to keeping their maiden names, I don't think that liking your last name better than your husband's is a good enough reason to not change it, if you have children. With that said, perhaps if my husband's last name was Fisher and my first name was Amy, I would consider alternatives such as keeping my maiden name or hyphenating. Also, I suppose if my husband's last name was something awful like Focker (from Meet the Parents), then I would try to talk him into changing his last name so that none of us have to endure the pain of such an awful last name.
    Hopeless romantic and proud momma of two princesses:
    Isabella Jane & Vanessa Rose

  2. #23
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Southern PA
    Posts
    380
    I guess since I posted the question, I'll answer my own question. :-)

    When I was a teen, I said NO WAY. I love my last name & won't give it up. With divorced parents, it made me feel closer to my dad. Well along came Mr Right & the rest is history. We both come from rather traditional conservative families although mine is more messed up than his. LOL So when I asked him about it, he plainly said that he would feel hurt & wouldn't like it one bit if I didn't legally take his name. I had already decided that I would take his name & didn't feel offended at all over his feelings of it.

    I like that having my husband's last name bonds us & our kids on paper...there's no questioning.."is she the stepmom?" And I have no problem signing "Mr & Mrs" when we have the same last name. My husband is the head of our household & so to me by having his last name it says that I am a part of his household.

  3. #25
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,962
    I had the last name of my biological father who was absent from my life from ages 10-26...we recently got in touch but that's a whole other topic...

    I never had great feelings towards my maiden name. However it was short, an easy to spell & familiar word name.

    I married a Russian guy with a crazy confusing last name & took it for these reasons...

    I love him & it was important to him.
    For ease/clarity once we have kids.
    His family is Jewish & survived the Holocaust & fled the anti Semitic former Soviet Union. Over the years the family name has been changed several times to hide their religious identity & was even changed against their wishes so reclaiming the original version in America was a big deal for them.

  4. #27
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Minnesota
    Posts
    1,607
    I'm getting married in March and I plan on taking his last name. I've thought about it a lot because I work at a bank so I've seen what a HUGE pain it can be to change your name. Someone in my department recently got married and she was having trouble for weeks getting into the programs she needed and stuff because of the name change. It's a huge hassle but I'm hoping it will go a little more smoothly for me.

    I'm taking his name mostly because of our future kids. I like the idea of "the Lastname Family" with parents and children having the same last name. I have absolutely no problem with other people doing things differently, that's just what I prefer. His last name is also really uncommon so I think it would be cool to be one of maybe two people with my name (I Googled, there is another person with that first/last name combo). My current last name isn't super popular but there are a lot of athletes with it, as well as at least one actor. I like it, but I'm not super attached to it or anything. Though I only have one male cousin on that side so if he doesn't have any kids, it's possible our line of the last name will die out :-(

    I've seen all sorts of things with my friends and their last names with they get married. Most change it, a large group hyphenate or have two last names and a few kept theirs. I even know of a man who ended up taking his wife's last name because it meant so much to her (sadly they ended up divorced because he's a jerk, but I thought that was a really cool thing to do). It's all about preference and everyone has different priorities and opinions when it comes to this topic. For anyone making the decision, I wouldn't let other people's opinions decide for you. Just think about what's most important - is it more important to have that "family unit" or keep a name that means a lot to you? No one can make that decision for you. Some people even make a whole new last name! Haha.
    Top 10 girl's names: Serena * Audrey * Sienna * Bridget * Lucy * Hazel * Cordelia * Josephine * Claire * Alice
    Top 10 boy's names: Elliott * Callum * Theodore * Emmett * Nolan * Ian * Blake * Brennan * Adrian * Everett

  5. #29
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    somewhere in Europe
    Posts
    1,289
    I didn't change my name, nor did I ever really consider surname changing as a serious option for myself.

    Admittedly, a lot of this has to do with the fact that I work in a profession (academia) where it has become increasingly uncommon for women to change their surnames. If you've racked up a stack of degrees and already started publishing work under your maiden name, then switching upon marriage creates a lot of unnecessary professional confusion (and could even have a negative impact on your career due to said confusion).

    Career-related reasons aside, though, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have switched names anyhow. I like my surname, and I feel like it's a big part of my identity. In my social circles, it's also more common not to change than to change. Most of my friends retained their maiden names, and my sister did as well. I think what seems normal to each of us regarding surnames and marriage is shaped by what we've seen our friends, colleagues, and family members do in the past.

    I've also never fully understood the change-so-we're-a-family-unit logic. I mean, you and your husband know you're married, and your kids know you're their mother. It seems to me like all of the people who count are clear on who's who! Besides, family units and relationships are already defined in a multitude of other ways that have nothing to do with name.
    *****************************
    *Mother to twins Charles and Samuel*

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