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Thread: The LAST Name
March 29th, 2013 02:31 PM #81
Your best 'reason' as I see it is that it doesn't feel right to you. If it doesn't feel right, there's no reason to do it. You can always change your mind later... changing your mind and taking his name is exponentially easier than deciding you want to change it BACK.
I know a woman who was married, changed her name to her husband's, got divorced, still kept her husband's name, got remarried and changed her name to her new husband's. I remember thinking that her entire identity is based on who she's married to.
Also, if someone has KIDS with their ex's last name, they may still want to have the same name as their kids -- just like you think you may want to.
Her ENTIRE identity was define by her surname? ENTIRELY? She sounds like she must have nothing else unique or interesting about her.
I do wonder if I should just bite the bullet and change my name. I would like to have the same name as my children. BUT I have a lot of beliefs that I'd be turning my back on. Also, society says I should change my name, etc.
Side note - I get so annoyed when someone's reason for changing/not changing their name is simply "I like my name better" or "I like his name better". There are much more serious considerations than whose name is prettiest.
I attached no sense of self-identity to my surname - WASH
People question your choice equally either way where I live - WASH
Having the same name as the kids vs. retaining same name as 'original' family - WASH
No professional issues to take into consideration - WASH
Husband was open to and supportive of my choice - WASH
Neither my parents nor my in-laws expressed opinions or concerns - WASH
My maiden name is boring and common, his is super-rare and interesting (even though I don't actually love it that much)
==== Changing wins
I didn't need some big earth-shattering justification for changing my name. It was my choice. I can make my choices for the biggest or smallest of reasons, it simply doesn't matter.
In the end, why on earth do you care? I think you're projecting a lot of your OWN concerns and indecisiveness onto others. Getting annoyed at others for their own decision-making process is not much different from judging the final decision itself. This is part of the problem, part of why women are so stressed about this decision in the first place and worrying about what "society" expects of them instead of just making the choice that feels right for THEM.
I share my thought process when people are genuinely interested to hear about it, but attitudes like this are precisely why I don't put much stock in others' opinions about and reactions to name change choices. There will always be someone who takes issue with the decision, and if not the choice itself then the reasoning behind it. I changed mine. BFD. My friend didn't. BBBBFFFFFDDDDD. It effects NO ONE.
Last edited by yellow; March 29th, 2013 at 02:41 PM.
April 1st, 2013 11:31 PM #83Member
- Join Date
- Dec 2011
My husband actually took my last name. We did a legal name change and everything. He wasn't too attached to his family or family name (a very common one), and I liked my last name and it was less common. So our kiddos will have my, now our, last name.Favorite Names: Caroline Michal ~ Caroline~Loren~ Toran ~ Brennan Shannon James ~ Liam Alexander/Nathaniel ~ Jade
DD#1, Saoirse Flynn, 08/30/13
April 2nd, 2013 02:56 AM #85
I'm keeping my last name. We're hyphenating for the kids, his name first (it sounds better that way). They'll be free to run their last names however they choose - if they later decide to drop one, they decide to drop one; if they don't, they don't. Whatever. They can do whatever they want when they get married, too.
Personally, I'm uncomfortable with the origins of the lady-changes-her-surname tradition, and I don't really see any valid reason to go along with it, either. I can't imagine ever going by anything other than my birth name, and it would feel wrong to me if I changed it: false and awkward. That feeling might not last forever, I suppose, but why should I have to endure it at all, you know?
I do want to add that I am wholeheartedly behind people's right to do whatever they want (though I do get annoyed whenever someone changes their name on facebook! it's not because I'm judging them, however; I just don't feel like having to recalibrate my mental profile of them). Husband can change his name, wife can change her name, one or both partners can choose to hyphenate (I recently learned that Jim True-Frost and his wife are both True-Frosts - he was True, she was Frost - and I think that it is one of the most adorable things in the entire world). I do think making up a new surname is weird and I admit that it makes me roll my eyes, but, you know, I don't actually oppose the practice.
My boyfriend objects to the woman-changing-her-name practice perhaps more strongly than I do; I can't really conjure up any vehemence towards the idea of someone changing their name, but he sure can. Whenever the subject comes up, he's quick to point out how glad he is that I'm not changing my name. Last night he also professed that he finds the sound of the hyphenated name we'll be giving to our children "cute". He's so adorable; I love him so much
Also, I have been wondering a bit, because some people have mentioned that it was important to their husbands that they change their name, what on earth their husbands' reasons were. Everything I can think of seems either selfish or condescending. Obviously I cannot ask my boyfriend, as his feelings run entirely opposite to this line of thinking, ha.on my mind, for the moment
Daria | Athena | Ramona | Winifred | Maeve | Blythe | Nadine | Dorothea | Margot | Cyra | Renata | Hypatia | Junia | Thisbe
Flynn | Otto | Winston | Claude | Leif | Roald | Tavish | Lionel | Cormac | Tobin | Oswin | Rory | Damon | Tycho
Mildred "Red" ☆ Obedience "Bede" ☆ Relief "Leafy" ☆ Dorothea "Doro" ☆ Penelope "Pen" ☆ Ruth "Rue" ☆ Eudoxia "Exie"
April 4th, 2013 05:09 PM #87
April 4th, 2013 06:41 PM #89Senior Member
- Join Date
- Sep 2012
I grew up saddled with the last name Gross, which obviously means nasty/disgusting in English and means "big" in German. I have had a lifelong struggle with my weight so when some boys in middle school found that out...it was rough.When I was engaged- I remember telling a friend when she asked me if I was going to change my name (she hyphenated hers), that I was so glad I didn't have to think twice about it- the only time I appreciated it- because it made the choice so EASY! My new last name is very unusual and people never spell it right but I couldn't be happier to have it!Mama to little Ramona Mae 3/2011 and Sylvie Joy born 11/2013