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Thread: The LAST Name
March 26th, 2013 05:07 AM #76
Ooh, I just posted a thread like this myself! Glad to hear a few more opinions. At the moment, I'm very torn. I've been married for seven months. Growing up (as a teenager and into my twenties) I always said I wouldn't take my husband's name when I got married. However, after our marriage, I decided I might change my mind, mainly because my husband really wanted me to change my name.
My husband thinks this is a MAJOR DEAL! He really wants me to change my name. He thinks having the same surname makes us more of a family, more committed, and will be better when we have children. Whenever we have this discussion, he thinks I'm being ridiculous wanting to keep my name. He thinks the only women allowed to keep their names after marriage are celebrities or women with powerful careers (ie. doctors or lawyers). I'm a teacher so apparently I don't fall into this category. I think his attitude is very condescending. He thinks that, if I keep my name, I'm acting like our marriage is "all about me" and refusing to fully immerse myself in our marriage (if that make sense).
So now I'm stuck. My reasons for wanting to keep my name are: I think your name is the most basic form of your identity and that changing your name when you get married loses part of your identity; I feel it's turning my back on my family and becoming part of my husband's family, which I don't want because my family is way better (hehe); I'd like to retain some independence as separate from my husband; I don't think women should base their identities on who they are married to. I know a woman who was married, changed her name to her husband's, got divorced, still kept her husband's name, got remarried and changed her name to her new husband's. I remember thinking that her entire identity is based on who she's married to.
I do wonder if I should just bite the bullet and change my name. I would like to have the same name as my children. BUT I have a lot of beliefs that I'd be turning my back on. Also, society says I should change my name, etc.
Side note - I get so annoyed when someone's reason for changing/not changing their name is simply "I like my name better" or "I like his name better". There are much more serious considerations than whose name is prettiest.~ Mother of Violet Elizabeth Rose ~
FUTURE DAUGHTER: AUDREY, BEATRIX OR DAPHNE
FUTURE SON: FREDERICK, HENRY OR THEODORE
March 26th, 2013 10:27 AM #78Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2012
So I've posted here before. And I still have no idea what do with my own last name. I will take my fiance's last name, I've decided that much. But I don't know if I want to make my last name a middle, a second middle or drop it all together.
March 26th, 2013 10:50 AM #80Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
- London, England
Sarah, based on what you say up there, I'd keep my name. His reasons are horrible! And condescending as you said. I'd keep it just to spite him. But I'm mean. My sister, who's a teacher, didn't change her name when she got married by the way. I also agree with you about the family thing, it's like in the old times when married women lived with their in laws, and thus became a part of their family. Not like that anymore! Anyway, can't he take yours if the family unity is so important?
As for me, I'm back and forth at the moment. It would be nice to share the name with my daughter, but I'm a little wary (not to be too pessimistic, but what if I change it, get divorced and either keep his name, or change it back? I'd feel stupid...).My darling Marian Illyria Aphrodite, March 2013 & Little Bunny (a girl!) due 9th of February 2014
March 28th, 2013 01:22 PM #82Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2013
I think it's very good to take the husbands last name. You don't have to, it's a personal preference, but it resembles a union.
March 29th, 2013 01:15 PM #84
It's neither 'good' nor 'bad,' just an option that has pros and cons just like any other option. It's the easiest in most cultures in that it's the default and generally least questioned, but that doesn't make it the best option.