is this allowed?

[junebugg]

my husband and i have been agonizing over baby names since before we were even expecting. boys' names have been especially hard for us to agree upon! we have a name that we both want to use but it has a "link" to the past. one of my friends had a baby boy born prematurely about 5 years ago. the baby passed away soon after he was born. my friend and her husband gave their baby this name that my husband and i want to use. since then they have had three healthy baby girls. to give you a little more insight, our friends live in another state and we see them maybe once a year but there was a time when we were very close. my question is...what would you do? is it ok to use the name? any thoughts are appreciated.

[mischa]

I think it's only right to ask your friends how they feel about you choosing this name. If they don't mind, then it's a go! The only downside: choosing a name that is linked to a deceased infant may be difficult for your family as well. It would remind you of the tragic association every time you call him.

[thedivinemrsm]

If it is a name that you both feel is right for your child, then I would use it. You need to be prepared for some hurt feelings or sadness from your friends as this will undoubted make them think of the child they lost. However, it can't be off limits forever because they happened to choose that name too. Would you feel comfortable talking with them and sharing your plans for the name? The ties you mentioned would be a good thing to share. You don't OWE them an explanation, but it would be a nice conversation to have. This sounds like a tough situation, but it helps that they are not as close as they used to be. Maybe this will turn into a positive and they can find the joy (in some way) of a little boy with the same name living life to the fullest.

I'm curious, what is the name?

[blammo14]

Great advice from Mischa. Couldn't have said it better!

[junebugg]

Thanks for the reply. Neither of our families know these two friends and probably don't even know the name association. It is a fairly common and popular boys name.

[junebugg]

Thanks for all the replies...that was fast! :-) The name is Logan. I just love it and also really want an L name.

[lissamv]

You could always talk to her first and let her know how you really love that name and see how it goes. Good luck!

[thedivinemrsm]

Logan is a great name! I understand the dilemma, it is mainstream/well-kmown but not no common that it would just be coincidence that you chose the same name. I miss-understood your post above regarding links to the past. I still say just have a friendly chat with them about it. You will feel better about it in the long run.

[ellenelle]

If it were really uncommon, like Abraxas or Willoughby, I would urge caution. Logan, however, is enjoying use by lots of new parents, so I don't think it should be so big a deal. Talking to her would probably be the right thing to do if you are concerned about hurting her feelings or bringing up old pain. However, there's always the potential that she would get upset and tell you not to use it. Then if you decided it was the only name that works, you'd seem like a jerk for using it anyway... I guess it comes down to how much you want to use it vs. how much you really value what she thinks despite them living far away and not being that close anymore. So I agree that talking with her about it is probably the best route, but would prepare for disappointment.

Also there are lots of great boys' names like Logan: Lachlan/Locklan, Lincoln, Larkin, Latham, Lawson, Lleyton, Liam... But I understand if they don't have quite the same appeal. Sometimes the name just clicks.

[taz]

I think that using Logan in this situation is ok. If the name was crazy uncommon I would suggest discussing it with your old friends but Logan is a popular enough name that I doubt your friends haven't run into a few since their loss.

I think it's important to ask yourself how you feel about the name's connection to this very sad situation though. If you connect the name to this family & that event maybe you should consider:

Keegan
Reagan
Rogan
Hagen
Waylon
Grayson
Easton
Weston
Cameron
Tyson
Byron
Harlon