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Thread: Vent re: overly helpful person
December 8th, 2012 12:51 AM #16
December 8th, 2012 01:50 AM #18
I really feel for you!! I've had difficulty setting boundaries and saying no to people my whole life, and have gotten myself involved in some extremely negative relationships because of it. It is really hard to stand up for yourself if it conflicts with your ideals. If you truly believe it's never okay to hurt someone's feelings, you have to find a motivation that overrides your desire to please, or you will never be able to stand up to this person and make it stick. I suspect she is going to file away your attempt to put your foot down and use it later to guilt-trip you into to letting her continue her domineering behavior.
For me, that overriding motivation was my kids (I don't have children yet, but thinking of the future). I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and I could always justify putting up with crap from the boyfriend because it was somehow my fault that he acted that way and I had this ideal of who I needed to be in our relationship. But one day it occurred to me that if I had children with him, he wasn't going to treat them any differently, and my blood just BOILED. It was a huge wake-up call for me. I imagined all the things he had said and done to me being said and done to a little child with my eyes and that was the end of it. I left him.
That mothering instinct is a powerful thing. Imagine how this woman is going to behave towards Quinton when he is older, particularly if she views him as her godson. Think of all the ways she has ever manipulated you or controlled you or ignored your wishes, even (especially!) under the guise of being helpful. Imagine her doing this to your son in his teenage years. I don't know this woman, but I know people like her, and it does not seem like too much of a stretch to think that she may at some point disagree with a parenting method of yours and feel like it is her responsibility as his "godmother" to steer him in a different direction.
If you find it difficult to stand up to her for your own sake, let that motherly protective instinct speak to you, and if you feel like her behavior is unhealthy for your children in any way, use it to help you put your foot down! Lay out your boundaries and don't mince words. People with that sort of personality will refuse to acknowledge hints or subtlety...they have enough trouble accepting the truth when it is a neon sign in their faces! Don't let her wounded reaction sway you...it's just another manipulation technique intended to put you back in the submissive role. Once you have made your boundaries clear and she discovers that the crocodile tears don't work, she will test and push those boundaries to see if you're really serious. Don't cave, or you'll be right back where you started. Instead, let every push increase the distance between you. If she realizes that disrespecting you in this way is going to lessen her control over you still further, she will either concede to your terms so to speak, or she will move on to find another relationship that satisfies her codependent mother hen complex.
Be strong You can always come here for support!
(Disclaimery thing: Everything I've said in this post is advice and assumptions based on my own personal experience. I totally get that not every situation is the same, and if you feel like my assumptions are way off or my advice makes you uncomfortable, by all means, do what you feel is best for you and your family! ^_^)Zion Nathaniel ~ Solomon Fable ~ Balthazar Wolf ~ Malachi Sparrow nn Kai ~ Tobias Rowan ~ Ender _____ ~ Caspian _____
Alice Willow ~ Ophelia Fawn or Ophelia Wren ~ Lucia Pearl ~ Eve Wisteria nn Evie ~ and second-guessing River Selene
Cirina Wryn, Narnia Rose, Luna Seraphine, Parthenia Nyx, Astoria, Illyria, Gwyneira, Farasha, Serafina, Senara, Soraya, Faerydae
Orion Melchior North, Tobias Loki, Edmund, Frost, Oberon, Hawthorne, Kenshin, Bastion, Remiel, Atreyu
December 8th, 2012 05:39 AM #20
I don't know how old she is but as you mentioned it dementia isn't limited to old people only. People in their 30's or 40's can get dementia.The 3 Princesses in my life...
December 8th, 2012 04:49 PM #22
I also made a bold move for me and cut off ties with one of my friends. This was not a planned pregnancy and even though I'd decided I wanted to raise this baby and was really excited about it, he was pushing me to abort. If he'd been telling me to do something that I knew was wrong for me in any other situation, I probably would have let it slide or even been convinced by him. But instead I told him to get away from me and my baby and haven't talked to him since.