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  1. #46
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Santa Clarita
    Posts
    1,048
    Hi alfiejoe,
    This is a good thing to think about and plan out beforehand, so good job. I think it depends on how close you are with your parents and how well you tolerate stressful situations with them around. Will they add to your stress or are they calming to you when things get hectic? Also, how much care does your mom require these days after having had a stroke? Will your dad realistically be able to offer help to you and your significant other if he is providing care and close supervision to your mom? Having your parents around can certainly be a blessing, but in some cases, it's better to have them wait a few weeks and let you get settled into somewhat of a routine with the care of your newborn.
    Personally, I'm not a very nice human being when I am exhausted, and I feel a strong need to figure out things for myself (though I didn't hesitate to call the pediatrician constantly, which is what any new parent should be doing with any questions or concerns, in my opinion). It sounds like with your folks living 12 hours away (or at least a few hours' flight away), you will ultimately be navigating this journey with your significant other. Adding one or two more people to the group can make even the little decisions difficult, and our parents don't always remember how it was to have a newborn. How quickly we all forget what it is like! There are a lot of resources (through the hospital and the community, like new moms' groups and classes) for new parents, and you could always call your mom and dad if you find yourself in need of emotional support.
    On the other hand, I don't want to discourage you from reaching out to your support system if that's what your parents represent to you. Most people probably do appreciate having their mom and dad around for baby's birth, and more people around can mean more sleep and a better recovery for you if you take advantage of any help they can offer.
    If what I am saying is helpful to you and you have any more questions/concerns, please feel free to send a message to me through this site (I think you have to click on my profile page and it will take you to a link where you can message me). It is a challenging and exciting time.
    Take care,
    Laura
    Mom to James Daniel (10) William Joseph (9), Elise Marie (7), and Zachary Allan (1)
    http://letterstoauntkay.blogspot.com/

    TTC #5
    Claire Patricia, Cecilia, Serena (Seri), Audrey, Rose, Naomi, Maisie, Kate, Adele, Georgia, Lucy, Linnea
    Thomas, Paul, Henry, Miles, Arthur, Luther, Samuel, Seth

    DH's "approved" list:
    Claire, Seri, Naomi, Amy, Diana, Lucy, Kate/Katie/Katherine, Audrey
    Thomas ("maybe")

  2. #48
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Western Pennsylvania
    Posts
    1,228
    I definitely had a strong support system from my family (my own mother had already passed before my eldest was born) and I definitely needed the help, but I was young and unmarried and utterly unexperienced with babies. Believe me, I waited to be married before having any more kids! But it's different for you.

    I think you and your husband can take parenting classes (I even took them with my second kid since there was a such a gap between the first and second!) to get an idea of what it will entail realistically and if you two decide from there that you'd like some family to be around to pitch in, then fine. But in your case, a mother who also requires dedicated care plus a newborn (your FIRST newborn I may add) may be more than you can handle. I don't say that to be unfeeling, and of course have your parents there. I'm just suggesting that if you're looking for realistic help, you should look to other family members. Perhaps your husband's side? Even a close friend who's a little lost when it comes to childcare will help do some chores you don't have time or energy for. <3
    Not so done having children after all. We're not ready for TTC quite yet but when we do get pregnant,the husband handed sole naming rights over to his name obsessed wife!

    Bouncing Baby Boy: Tristan Marcel * Ambrose Galahad* Gabriel Beauregard
    Little Lady: Josephine Adele * Lena Josephine* Lorelei Nicole* Fleur Josephine

  3. #50
    Hi
    I'm a girl - Darrell Rivers is the heroine of Enid Blyton's Malory Towers series - I'm pregnant because of a football player doing some very nasty things - I was blamed for what he did to me and i've been shunned and slut shamed. My parents are very Christian and conservative and Fox News - they wouldn't even let me discuss abortion.

  4. #52
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    197
    Thanks guys! My mom has recovered fairly well from the stroke we are a 6 years of recovery, she has memory loss and no use of her right arm as well as tiring easily. She also needs help opening, closing, buttoning and things along those lines. At this point at I have been doing all that and more since I was 15 and I will be 22 when the baby is born I'm really use to it and my mom is not one to give up on anything unless she has been trying so I don't think she would be a a problem, my dad gets stressed easily so he might be lol. But I really do want my mom to be a big part and try to do things for the baby. My husbands family lives about 30 mins away but I really can't see myself leaning on them for help, very different raising my husband than my parents were me and I just don't care for that.
    I'm Alix Louise
    Wife to Skyler James since 4/28/12
    Mommy to Daphne Valora since 8/02/13

    When we have another
    Boy : Sebastian, Jasper, Edgar
    Girls: Sonia, Matilda

  5. #54
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    2,039
    Personally, I don't plan to have my parents here in advance. They're a 3-4 hour drive away so easier for them to come in after the fact. The loose plan is also for them to stay with my inlaws who are a ten minute drive away from us and have more space for guests. Feels like it will be a lot less stressful for everyone if they can have grandparent central/get some sleep over there and we can have everyone close by but still a little space to get settled. We'll see how well all this works out.

    It sounds like as long as your mom is up to the trip it would mean a lot for you to have her there! Just make sure there are people around to help her when needbe so you arent stretched thin caring for everyone (mom, baby, and yourself!!)

    On a separate note, I woke up at 1 in the morning last night and couldn't get back to sleep for 4 hours because....I couldnt stop thinking about where the paintings in the future babys room will go when we rearrange this spring (merge office/den and switch upstairs guest room with downstairs master). Seriously the dumbest thing ever, but I couldnt turn it off and in the middle of the night, I had the tape measure out and it felt like the absolute end of the world. Oh well, at least I woke up and could actually eat something other than crackers/bread/soup...I don't understand it, but I guess I'll take it, second trimester. Haha.

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