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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    212

    What are you supposed to say to someone when they have just had a miscarriage?

    My aunt unfortunately miscarried her first child (and my first cousin on this side of the family) a few days ago.
    At about 8weeks.

    What do I say? Do I ignore the whole event and forget anything ever happened?
    • teenberry • Australia •

    Iris Elettra - Delfina Inez - Freja Constantina - Emmanuelle Demeter
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  2. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    11
    Hi Liana,

    I'm sorry to hear about your aunt! I miscarried my 2nd at around 8 weeks and found it quite hard and still think about the baby nearly 3 years on, but I know everyone deals with a loss like this differently. I would suggest that you could tell your aunt how sorry you are to hear about the miscarriage and just let her know you care and then leave it to her. It's a very personal thing but I think it helps to know that people who love the most, care enough to tell you.

    hope that helps,
    Donna

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    404
    If you don't know what to say, you can just give her a hug. Or bring her some flowers. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, you know.

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    413
    I had 4 miscarriages each at around 8 weeks. A hug, a card, tell her how sorry you are. Tell her that you are there if she needs to talk about her lost little one.

    Everyone deals differently, but the most frequent complaint I've heard from women who miscarried is that although friends and relatives are sympathetic, no one, often not even the father, really mourn the loss of a child. This is understandable, because the child wasn't 'visible' to anyone, but the child is real to the mother. If you do find yourself talking with your aunt (and you should let her take the lead), remember that she is mourning the loss of a child, not merely enduring a regrettable medical condition. Tell your aunt that you are sorry that you'll never meet your little cousin.

    For me, I lost my little ones 8-11 years ago, and I still think about them frequently. Incidentally, one thing that really helped me when I was feeling so alone, feeling that no one but me missed those babies, was to name them. I gave them names that I loved, but would have never used for a living child, and it really helped me through the process of mourning.
    Last edited by missmolly; October 23rd, 2012 at 08:59 AM.
    Obsessing over names since 1964

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    London, England
    Posts
    5,340
    That's very sad. I agree with the others, give her a hug and tell her you're there if she wants to talk. The worst thing is ignoring it. I had a miscarriage when I was 21, and my sister has never acknowledged it, and that was very painful.

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