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Thread: Rolling the dice again...
October 20th, 2012 04:29 PM #1
Rolling the dice again...
I'm curious if those of you with more than one child had reservations about trying for a second if the first was so 'perfect?'
Every parent thinks their child is marvelous, and I'm no exception. But it extends deeper than that-- I think of all of the thousands, or hundreds of thousands, of things that can go wrong during emrbyogenesis and fetal development... all of the birth defects... all the things that could happen during delivery... frankly, I'm amazed my son [or any child!] has turned out to be so perfect and healthy.
Antoine is physically very cute; he combines the very best characteristics of his father and of me; his personality is calm, sweet and reflective; his development is on-track with no concerns; he started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks of age; he never cries (I have to tie tinkly toys to his crib to know when he wakes), etc. I just feel like I won the baby lottery the very first time I bought a ticket.
I'd like a second child, and the way my training is structured I need to do it relatively soon. But I'm worried I'll be pressing my luck if I roll the dice again.
Did anyone experience similar worries, and how did you overcome them?Blade, MD
XY: Antoine Raphael (3.1.2012)
XX: Cassia Viviane Noor (11.30.2013)
October 20th, 2012 08:16 PM #3
My first was my difficult sleeper etc, and before i had a cycle we got pregnant with B or else there might not have been a second!
Other then our sweet Felix, we have had very healthy, beautiful children and now on our last according to the ultrasound, all looks well. I have experience with high needs babies (Seb and Vio) so I am not worried. I used to think I could never love another child after Seb so much, and another mother told me that your love multiplies it doesn't divide and 4 children later i can honestly say that is wise and in my case, true. I love each of my kids for the beautiful and unique person they are and cannot imagine life without them. I refuse to let fear make choices for me. Since you are in the medical world (I am by proxy having family members who are, my sister is a float pool nurse at the local children's hospital and also.does post partum/ newborn.nursery....so I get to hear all about the hundreds of things that cam and do happen each day there, worst case unusual senerios etc. So I am sure having such a perfectly formed, healthy child and working where you do makes you feel the roll of the dice should you get pregnant again. <3
Thats all my advice on this topic. DH is getting a vas. after this baby comes. I know that even ultrasounds are not 100% accurate, so something could present itself at birth. So far, the only troubling physical thing we have had to deal with was that Limus was born with an extra toe, and we chose to have it fixed for a variety of reasons after his first birthday, and, before that it was part of him, this sweet little guy that i love so much so.I.didnt feel as if he had something "wrong": kwim.Married to my love since August 2001
My lovely bunch of coconuts;
Sebastian Elihu (7/02)
Bronwen Eliza (2/04)
Linus Ezra Graham (9/06)
Violet Leona (1/09) and
Wolfgang Levi (3/13)
Always missing our Felix Emmanuel (10/10-10/10)
October 20th, 2012 10:55 PM #5
I definitely have had the same feelings but they are rapidly changing... Rowan just turned one and she was a perfect baby. Never cried, slept through the night, she's adorable and giggly, always happy... but lately she is starting to show signs of the dreaded "toddlerhood," Not sharing, hitting when she gets tired, running when she has something she isn't supposed to, cramming teething biscuits in between the couch cushions, biting... and I've started to realize that while she is my daughter and I will always love her dearly and think she is smarter, prettier, more talented, etc. like every other parent, she is still a toddler and she can be a brat sometimes. It just happens. You will eventually come to the conclusion that your child is not perfect and good 100% of the time. Yes, when we're in the grocery store and some kid an aisle over is throwing a demonic tantrum, I look at Rowan in the cart and she's smiling back at me and waving to people I do think "My kid is so much more behaved than your spoiled brat" but us parents can wear some huge rose colored glasses sometimes... So, no...I am no longer scared of the second child being evil or demented, or even colicky. We can handle it, and the next kid will have a unique one of a kind personality just like Rowan.My cherished daughter, Rowan Jane. ~b. 10/2011~
Sawyer ~ Aven ~ Elowen ~ Sage ~ Eilonwy ~ Eleanor
Morgan ~ Asher ~ ___ ~ ___ ~ Currently trying to fill the blanks...
Trying for #2 in January 2014.
October 21st, 2012 12:28 AM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2010
I'm married to a surgical resident (He's in his 7th yr- he took 2 yrs out for research) so I always love seeing your posts- your name and signature make me smile because I think of him! (That's not creepy right? lol)
Anyway, the genetics factor - yeah it's a dice roll, I'll give you that one. However, depending on your personal convictions, you could potentially eliminate this as a factor at all. For our family for example, we believe God gives us the child who is meant to be in our family.
The "good baby" factor - ok dice roll there too! #1 was our "worst" baby. She cried constantly and was one of those "high needs" babies. Looking back, I wonder if I would have done things differently though if she were born now. Perhaps it was inexperience or hyper new mom syndrome in some cases where I exaggerated or fed into her needs? So from my point of view, you seem to have had a great experience with #1 so you should go into #2 with a calm attitude and some confidence that "you can do it! go Mama!" On the other hand, and I doubt you are like this because I can't see a surgeon with this type of personality (haha!), would you freak out if #2 wasn't a good sleeper? Would you be angry if he or she didn't sleep through the night so early (that's rare!) and cried much more often? I bet you wouldn't. You'd roll with it and love the little one just the same. Motherhood challenges everyday and one of the fun parts is getting to know your kids and how they respond to different situations!
My only other advice is that if you feel like it's not the right time, it's completely fine to wait. Even if that goes against "the perfect timing" or what you always pictured as spacing between your kids or any other rule. If you are having doubts about adding #2 at the moment, give it time and keep enjoying your little guy. Don't rush it.Wife to one great guy
Mama to six pretty ladies: Scarlett (11), Penelope (9), Alice (3), Fiona (3), and Lucille (14 mo.) & Coraline (14 mo.)
& 4 angels gone before us
~We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~
October 21st, 2012 01:40 AM #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2012
We are trying for number 2 right now. My son has Cystic Fibrosis, so there is dice roll 1. I just had an ectopic pregnancy, and that puts me at a higher risk to have another, dice roll 2. This month I ovulated late, which makes ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage rates go up, but we tried for it anyway. Why? Because all life is a risk. I could die or get seriously injured driving to church tomorrow, but I'm going anyway. My next child could have CF or something worse, but I'm trying anyway. Our lives would be rather empty without risk, I think. I've known people whose children died young, but none of them wishes they had never had them. We couldn't cherish life like we should without the risk of losing it. And as far as the easy baby thing goes, you have to pay for your raising sometime right ;-) My son wasn't easy (though he wasn't colicky, so that nice), but i wouldn't change him for the world. He is stubborn and frustrating, but he is also funny and sweet and smart. He is who he is, and i love him to pieces. No one can make your decision for you. You have to decide what you want, and what is right for y'all. Good luck! And try not to worry too much. Most babies are born healthy, you only hear about the unhealthy ones more.