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Thread: Depression and baby fever
October 20th, 2012 11:38 AM #11
I'm 21 and just recently married, but I don't plan on having kids till we have a good stable home, so probably not for another couple of years. I would suggest talking to a close friend or family member about how you feel. We are both young, but I don't think that's kind of a fair reason since biologically speaking, we can get pregnant as early as 11! So it's probably natural that by our 20's we start thinking about babies. There is also known health risks for having children past age 35.
Personally, I think I would hold out until you are around the age of 30. You might meet someone! If you have one now, I think you might regret it since you would have to give up going to school/your career. You could hire a nanny, but I don't think that's what you want from the sounds of it since you seem to want to raise your child yourself.
October 20th, 2012 12:34 PM #13
You should definitely finish school first. Taking on single motherhood is tough--you'll want to have the ability to earn enough to support you and the baby. You'll need savings ahead of time to pay medical bills and tide you over maternity leave, since there will be no partner's income to live on during that time. And the comments that you will change and grow over the next few years I agree with as well. When I was about your age, still in school myself, I was overcome with baby fever as well. I had a goal set that I'd have my first child by 28 at the latest. Well, that came and went, and after my fiancee and I broke up in 2010, I was very discouraged. But now I am 32 and having my first child in a few months. At this point I can see the things that weren't apparent to me 10 years ago. All my wild oats are sewn, I have an education and job history that will allow me to provide for this child on my own, and I have matured into someone confident and strong enough to do this without a husband. I know it hurts to want a baby badly and see what seems like everyone around you getting what you want, but part of being a good mom is preparation. Not everyone gets the chance to plan ahead, but there's a difference between accidentally having a baby before you're ready and doing it on purpose. I'm already worried I won't get to see this child as much as I want and I know, at least for me, that if I'd had him before I finished school I would have wound up working more hours at lower-paying jobs to make ends meet and that would have broken my heart.
October 20th, 2012 01:08 PM #15
I know a bit how you feel, since I come from a part of the country where people marry young and start families early. I went to many weddings that summer after college graduation, and even though I was excited about my future, part of me was wistful and worried that perhaps I would be left out of the 'musical chairs' that is the dating and mating game if I waited too long.
Fast-forward. Those friends who married at 22 completed their families by 30. They've bought their houses, long since finished their education/training, and are in every way settled. There are no more mysteries left in their life-- all the big pieces have come into place, and they're simply sitting back waiting for their lives to unfold. The children will grow, they'll go off to school, their husbands will retire, perhaps they'll sell that house and buy a condo, etc etc etc. It's stultifying and frankly terrifying to contemplate, personally.
Between the two of us, my husband and I have 9 degrees (3 bachelors, 3 Masters, an MD, a PhD and a JD). I've lived and worked on four continents and traveled to six. I have friends literally all over the world. I'm met a slew of luminaries, I've had experiences ranging from falling in a crevasse in the Nepali Himalayas to shoving my hands in the open chest of a gunshot victim in an attempt to restart his heart to delivering babies by candlelight to chatting with Prince Charles at a cocktail party. And I have a wonderful baby son.
If I'd married at 22, I would have foregone literally all of that. If I'd had a baby in medical school, I probably wouldn't have decided to train as a surgeon.
Yes, you should try to start your family before age 35 for fertility and congenital anomaly reasons. But simply because you haven't met anyone by age 21 you'd like to partner up with (in a relatively small circle of a single university) doesn't mean you won't as your world gets larger.Blade, MD
XY: Antoine Raphael (3.1.2012)
XX: Cassia Viviane Noor (11.30.2013)
October 20th, 2012 04:07 PM #17
October 20th, 2012 04:17 PM #19
I also don't have wishes to become a doctor. I don't have the brains for it. Hence why I'm in nursing school, and even that is a struggle for me.Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.