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Thread: Am I crazy?

  1. #41
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
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    788
    Quote Originally Posted by yellow View Post
    I have a friend who was given an anglo first name and a middle name from her native Hawaiian culture. For arguments' sake, let's call her Melissa Kailani. She grew up in Hawaii being called Kailani at home, but Melissa at school and elsewhere. When she moved to the mainland US for college, she decided to switch to Kailani and only introduced herself as that to new friends.

    So I only knew her as Kailani, but when I started meeting her old friends, I noticed that they would roll their eyes and laugh when I referred to her as that. They all joked behind her back that she was just trying to seem more exotic to mainlanders by using her Hawaiian name. She maintains that she was always Kailani with her family, and it seemed silly to have two names, so Kailani won. I'm sure there was a bit of not wanting to be 'yet another Melissa' mixed in, as well.

    Moral of the story being... she wasn't pulling a name out of thin air, she just switched to going by her middle name -- and she STILL caught flack when her 'worlds collided,' as it were.

    Just throwing that out there!
    That was mean of them.. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to honor her heritage, especially if it's something really beautiful like Kailani.
    nineteen & renaming myself soon

  2. #43
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
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    915
    Quote Originally Posted by jessica123 View Post
    I already have an explanation that I plan to tell people whenever it may come up.

    Ever since before I can remember my nickname has been "Sica". My mom told me she came up with it because she didn't like any of the "Jess" nicknames. I don't like any of them either. I actually have an extreme dislike for "J" names other than Juliet/te/ta and Juniper. I've never gone by Marie, it just sits there. I can't even imagine anyone calling me Marie.

    I've tried it all, nicknames, initials, and even trying to love Jessica. Eventually I just decided I wanted to change my name.
    Fair enough.

    That's a bummer that your mom didn't like any of the Jessica nicknames, yet chose Jessica for you.
    Us name nerds have trouble fathoming that -- when I question my mom over her name choices, all I get is some permutation of "saw it in a baby name book and liked it." She didn't consider spelling or pronunciation issues, nicknames, none of it. When she gets a glimpse into my naming process, all the vetting I go through and considering it from all angles, I'm sure she'll think I'm nuts!

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica123 View Post
    That was mean of them.. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to honor her heritage, especially if it's something really beautiful like Kailani.
    Of course it was mean of them. I didn't say their reaction was justified, just that that was the reaction she got. I personally think she made a great choice, and told the non-accepting friends as much. I just offer up this story as an example of how changing one's name is often more socially difficult than one might think.

    I've toyed with the idea of changing just the spelling of my name -- same pronunciation -- but can't bring myself to do it, even unofficially. It feels (and this is just for me, no reflection on anyone else who considers changing) false somehow, like I'm cheating my history. Every now and then I get it into my head again, but can never bring myself to do it. Major kudos to anyone who can work around this thought process!

    You seem pretty set to go. What is left to consider at this point?

  3. #45
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    361
    Honestly, I think this is more common than people think. If you move to a new area, and use a new name, rarely will people ever know you changed it.

    I know a woman who's name was Jean. In her late 30s she got married and got a new job around the same time, and so she decided to tell her new friends and coworkers her name was Beatrice. No, it was not her middle name. Just one she liked. She actually told people her name wasn't Beatrice, if the topic came up, but if she hadn't said something we never would have known.

    I even know a William who discovered as an adult that his neither his first nor middle name was William. His parents were dead, and his siblings couldn't explain it. Apparently, his parents named him one thing, and then changed their minds without changing the birth certificate. These days, I think you'd have to make a formal name change if you wanted something permanent (work e-mails are assigned automatically by name, for instance), but there's nothing stopping you from telling people your name is something different.

  4. #47
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
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    788
    Quote Originally Posted by yellow View Post
    Fair enough.

    That's a bummer that your mom didn't like any of the Jessica nicknames, yet chose Jessica for you.
    Us name nerds have trouble fathoming that -- when I question my mom over her name choices, all I get is some permutation of "saw it in a baby name book and liked it." She didn't consider spelling or pronunciation issues, nicknames, none of it. When she gets a glimpse into my naming process, all the vetting I go through and considering it from all angles, I'm sure she'll think I'm nuts!


    Of course it was mean of them. I didn't say their reaction was justified, just that that was the reaction she got. I personally think she made a great choice, and told the non-accepting friends as much. I just offer up this story as an example of how changing one's name is often more socially difficult than one might think.

    I've toyed with the idea of changing just the spelling of my name -- same pronunciation -- but can't bring myself to do it, even unofficially. It feels (and this is just for me, no reflection on anyone else who considers changing) false somehow, like I'm cheating my history. Every now and then I get it into my head again, but can never bring myself to do it. Major kudos to anyone who can work around this thought process!

    You seem pretty set to go. What is left to consider at this point?
    Oh I know, I wasn't saying that you were mean, I was talking about them.

    I know that I want to do it, I was just worried that it was a really crazy thing to do. That's how the very few people I told made me feel about it.
    nineteen & renaming myself soon

  5. #49
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    167
    You are not crazy at all and I think many lovely names have been suggested.

    My 2 cents:

    You might want to stay away from names that scream "2012". I know someone who recently changed from a popular, predictable 80's/90's name to Makayla. I thought that was a little unnatural for an adult. Almost all Makayla's are still little girls.

    I would suggest "testing" out your new name for a period of time without legally changing it, just to make sure you do love it when it's used in real life.

    If you think mom might feel hurt, see if you can take her input into your new name or at least make her feel like her input still matters. Ask her opinions and include them in your decision somehow.

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