Why so much hate, Berries?

[rowangreeneyes]

With all the "Boys names on girls" threads up recently, I figured we should all talk about it. As a lover of unisex and yes, sometimes even BOY names on girls... I have felt ostracized to say the least lately. I'm worried about posting any new threads on the names I've been loving recently because they happen to be very boyish. Can't we all just leave our opinions at opinions and stop arguing and belittling one another's choices? :???:

[taz]

I like some boy names/unisex names too. Don't let the criticism get you down. I welcome all positive & negative opinions...it all comes down to finding and using names you love, but I also love the feedback here.

I'm loving
Asa
Ira
Lou

[rowangreeneyes]

I don't mind criticism either, but it seems like every thread that has a boy or boyish name turns into a heated argument. I get that most people on Nameberry don't like it, but does that mean the rest of us will have to go somewhere else to get real advice/combo help? I love names, so I think I belong here. I just happen to love unisex, boyish, and nature names on girls. Believe me, I am not easily offended but some of the comments on these threads have been abrasive and mean. And, what's worse is that I don't feel like I am getting quality advice on middle name suggestions and combination help because everyone automatically crosses out my boyish choices.

[jesba]

I don't think I've ever veered past a respectful tone. Of course, I also like a few unisex names/am neutral toward others and while I don't like boys' names on girls, I don't feel a visceral, angry response against it. But if I did ever sound disrespectful, I didn't mean to.

I think there's a set of issues going on. This is a set of fora for people who feel passionately about names. For me, this is mostly about positive passion: I love a lot of great names, and find it very hard to "hate" or be exceedingly concerned about ones I don't like. I do warn against names I think will be harmful, but that is just that, a warning.

But others who feel passionately about names are going to feel passionately in a negative way. And then obviously, double standards are always prone to make people feel intensely. I feel intensely about double-standards, but I don't feel equally intensely about all of them. Is it a massively unfair double standard that women make less money than men? Yes. Is it a massively unfair double standard that women are expected to bear the brunt of domestic work even as they are increasingly (rightfully) rising not only as income earners but even as primary breadwinners? Yes. Is it a massively unfair double standard that it seems more acceptable to use a unisex name or boys' name on a girl than a unisex name or a girls' name on a boy? That I'm less sure of. Unfair, yes. So massively unfair that it bothers me deeply? No. But I also don't think it's unreasonable to draw that line in the sand differently.

Of course, I think others who draw that line differently need to be respectful. Outlining concerns like "I would think it would be frustrating to have others frequently assume you were the opposite gender" are reasonable things to point out. "I feel bothered by the double standard about unisex and opposite sex names" is a reasonable thing to point out. I even think more potentially painful things like "it's important to remember that your child is the one who has to live with the name, not you" are fair game (and I think that's true for any particularly unusual name, not just opposite/infrequently-gendered names). But the accusatory tone that people sometimes sometimes take, equating these naming tastes with a desire to confuse or upset the child, is bizarre. If parents are sensitive enough to be seeking input, they do have their child's interests in mind and at heart, and I think it's a shame people sometimes lose sight of that.

[babyninja143]

Sadly once the post is out there anyone can come in and stir the pot a little bit. The important thing is to ignore those posts that are meant to disturb the community. If you don't reply they wont get the satisfaction of attention. There is nothing wrong with having a love for unisex names. Right now our kids are going to grow up with tons of different names and it probably wont bother them to have a girl *Ryan*(for example) thrown into the mix.

[greyer]

I don't mind criticism either, but it seems like every thread that has a boy or boyish name turns into a heated argument. I get that most people on Nameberry don't like it, but does that mean the rest of us will have to go somewhere else to get real advice/combo help? I love names, so I think I belong here. I just happen to love unisex, boyish, and nature names on girls. Believe me, I am not easily offended but some of the comments on these threads have been abrasive and mean. And, what's worse is that I don't feel like I am getting quality advice on middle name suggestions and combination help because everyone automatically crosses out my boyish choices.

I completely agree with you. There are definitely respectful posters and not all of them are abrasive, but the vast majority of these threads usually turn into heated arguments and sometimes people get downright rude. Plus I've seen some posters come back to the same thread multiple times to keep pushing the same argument, not always in a nice way. And some of the arguments, like jesba said, just make no sense. To imply that someone is purposely confusing or upsetting their child, or that they must have been hoping for a boy by naming their daughter Ezra (for example), baffles me. That there would be a lot of gender confusion, et c., sure. But I think there would be equal gender confusion with a girl named Jayden or Riley as with a girl named Ezra or Charlie.

I'm firmly of the mindset that if it's not a name that's going to harm the child in any way (Aryan Nation, anyone?), you should use the name you love. Even if it's George on a girl or Krysttoffuhr on a boy... although in that case I'd gently suggest a different spelling.

[nono]

I completely agree with you. There are definitely respectful posters and not all of them are abrasive, but the vast majority of these threads usually turn into heated arguments and sometimes people get downright rude. Plus I've seen some posters come back to the same thread multiple times to keep pushing the same argument, not always in a nice way. And some of the arguments, like jesba said, just make no sense. To imply that someone is purposely confusing or upsetting their child, or that they must have been hoping for a boy by naming their daughter Ezra (for example), baffles me. That there would be a lot of gender confusion, et c., sure. But I think there would be equal gender confusion with a girl named Jayden or Riley as with a girl named Ezra or Charlie.

I'm firmly of the mindset that if it's not a name that's going to harm the child in any way (Aryan Nation, anyone?), you should use the name you love. Even if it's George on a girl or Krysttoffuhr on a boy... although in that case I'd gently suggest a different spelling.

I agree 100% with this.

[jemama]

Everyone has their own taste. While I personally like my children to have a name generally designated to one gender (which as I said before locally people are unsure of Bronwen's gender when seeing it on paper), I do realize that I live in a country where freedom when choosing a childs name is celebrated and imho, diversity is good. I think your dd has a beautiful name, I know 4 boys with that name and actually a lovely adult woman too. So I myself have people I can think of when I see the name Rowena/Rowan, and I think of my close friends fiesty, joyful 1st grader as well as this lovely skilled midwife friend who has 5 children and one grandchild. Regardless, I do have name preferences, but do know wonderful people with names I would never choose for my own children, and persons with lovely names that have forever "ruined" them for me.

And I realize that being on a message board such as this one, there are people of all ages and origins who all like names...thing is we all like different styles of names! Even with popularity of certain ones, there will always be a louder minority of active posters who agree or disagree. It's like this on most every message board. Not to mention that on screens our intentions of saying kindly "That name is nms" can come across rather harshly. Hope this all makes sense. <3

No hate for names that work with either gender, but stating the obvious "If you ask about whether you should name your daughter Zachary/your son Emma my opinion is as follows etc"

[mischa]

When posting on Nameberry, I always try to remember the following:

1 People on here are passionate about names. Period. With passion, strong opinions (whether positive or negative) will follow.

2 Strong opinions will often lead to strong language. Although a few here can become disrespectful, I find it that is the exception rather than the rule. I've been on other name websites and believe me, the opinions on Nameberry are quite tame in comparison.

3 Some people will like your names and others will not. Fact of life. That's what's great about Nameberry. There is always room for every style of name and a diversity of opinion and I think in general, most Nameberries are respectful of that fact. If everyone liked the same names, the world would be a boring place.

4 Many find is the double standard in regards to unisex names or "boys names on girls" quite perplexing and problematic. When parents begin to call their girls by a particular boys name and it rises in popularity for females, the name is no longer considered for male children and drops off the map for boys. Parents don't seem to have any hesitation naming their girls a traditional boys name but most would never consider a "girls name for a boy". "Boys names on girls" are perceived as "stronger" and "girls names on boys" as somehow weak and less desirable.

5 Don't take anyone's negative opinion PERSONALLY. They are commenting on the name not you as a person.

[bre]

When posting on Nameberry, I always try to remember the following:

1 People on here are passionate about names. Period. With passion, strong opinions (whether positive or negative) will follow.

2 Strong opinions will often lead to strong language. Although a few here can become disrespectful, I find it that is the exception rather than the rule. I've been on other name websites and believe me, the opinions on Nameberry are quite tame in comparison.

3 Some people will like your names and others will not. Fact of life. That's what's great about Nameberry. There is always room for every style of name and a diversity of opinion and I think in general, most Nameberries are respectful of that fact. If everyone liked the same names, the world would be a boring place.

4 Many find is the double standard in regards to unisex names or "boys names on girls" quite perplexing and problematic. When parents begin to call their girls by a particular boys name and it rises in popularity for females, the name is no longer considered for male children and drops off the map for boys. Parents don't seem to have any hesitation naming their girls a traditional boys name but most would never consider a "girls name for a boy". "Boys names on girls" are perceived as "stronger" and "girls names on boys" as somehow as weak and less desirable.

5 Don't take anyone's negative opinion PERSONALLY. They are commenting on the name not you as a person.

All of this, exactly.