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  1. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Posts
    739
    Quote Originally Posted by catloverd View Post
    Well, to me a women has a right to keep her body. Why do you think there are so many pro choice people out there? It's the same thing, it's my body. I don't have to have a child using my body. I actually ALWAYS wanted to adopt. I have a fear of overpopulating the environment. My fiance' though really wants his own, so surrogacy was the other option to avoid using my body. Men don't give birth and don't have to give up their bodies, would you consider them selfish? Why must I give up my body for a child when he doesn't?

    I actually don't have body issues. I think I look pretty good, but I can't help but see a pregnant woman and automatically think "she's fat/huge!" I just have such a negative connotation towards pregnant women. My friend even says pregnant women freak her out so I'm not the only one.
    You misunderstood most of what I wrote, which is unfortunate.

    Pro-choice has ZERO relation to a woman not wanting to "sacrifice" her body. Everything you wrote points to selfishness, which is OK, you are allowed to be selfish, its just not an ideal environment to bring a child into. You said so yourself how judgmental your mother is towards you, would you want to put another person through that? Many men, if give then chance would take some of the burden of carrying a child from their wife. Honestly, if I was adopted or birthed by a surrogate because my mother didn't want to have to put a bit of work into getting the baby weight off, I'd be ashamed and completely heartbroken.

    Your body issue isn't that you DON'T think you look good, it is that you do and have such a fear of how your body will change. That is normal, we've all been there at your age (although perhaps less extreme). The news flash though is that by the end of your 20's your body will begin to change regardless. That's life. If you're willing to drop over tens of thousands on surrogacy why not just spend less than that on plastic surgery after the child and make healthy choices while pregnant. Sweetie (and your friends), you clearly aren't in the mental capacity to consider having children yet so just ENJOY your youth while you still have it, enjoy your partner and all the awesome things you can do and don't worry about having children because clearly it is not the time yet.
    Last edited by tinabina; August 20th, 2012 at 07:29 PM.
    Mommy to Ivory (the cat), Hudson (the bulldog mix), and LittleFoot aka Lilla (the lab x terrier).

    Our little girl is due February 2013.

  2. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,169
    Quote Originally Posted by tinabina View Post
    You misunderstood most of what I wrote, which is unfortunate.

    Pro-choice has ZERO relation to a woman not wanting to "sacrifice" her body. Everything you wrote points to selfishness, which is OK, you are allowed to be selfish, its just not an ideal environment to bring a child into. You said so yourself how judgmental your mother is towards you, would you want to put another person through that? Many men, if give then chance would take some of the burden of carrying a child from their wife. Honestly, if I was adopted or birthed by a surrogate because my mother didn't want to have to put a bit of work into getting the baby weight off, I'd be ashamed and completely heartbroken.

    Your body issue isn't that you DON'T think you look good, it is that you do and have such a fear of how your body will change. That is normal, we've all been there at your age. The news flash though is that by the end of your 20's your body will begin to change regardless. That's life. If you're willing to drop over tens of thousands on surrogacy why not just spend less than that on plastic surgery after the child and make healthy choices while pregnant. Sweetie, you clearly aren't in the mental capacity to consider having children yet so just ENJOY your youth while you still have it, enjoy your partner and all the awesome things you can do and don't worry about having children because clearly it is not the time yet.
    I never said my mother was judgemental. I said she is overbearing, big difference. She wants grandkids and will just be annoying. We also don't get along and everytime I visit, she "looks" for a fight. I haven't hugged her in over a year since I always end up leaving storming out the door. She constantly called me fat when I lived at home, but I know I'm not so that doesn't bother me. It did when I was in high school, but I'm a lot more confident now. We just don't have the best relationship and I don't want to go into details. It has NOTHING to do with my choices of having a child. I just don't want to involved her because I don't really want her in my life.

    Also it is not the "fatness" of the pregnancy that totally bothers me, it's people seeing me that way. What bothers me more is the fact my boobs might get bigger and I'll have bladder control issues. It is not the same as growing older. I also know the vagina will never be the same and that is DUE to pregnancy not aging, so the aging arguement is invalid in my opinion.

    It's not just the "baby weight" I'm not stupid. I know it can be worked off, but that's not the only body change. I'm sure my child would be fine no matter how we got it. It would be ours and I would love him or her no matter what. I just don't believe that sacrificing my body and taking on bladder issues (which I already have a weak bladder), a wrecked vagina, and big boobs has to be involved. But that is my opinion. You are free to have yours, but I strongly think it's wrong to force your opinions on others.

    Most men will jump to it because they know they don't have to deal with it. That is invalid as well. They are biased because they can't have them so of course they can "think" they'd be willing to, but the reality is they are biased because they can't and the truth is many just say that so you don't feel bad about it. My fiance' claims he would do it, but he knows he is biased and that's why he's not forcing it on me.

    Also, I asked for experiences because I am still thinking about it. I have not made a decision yet.

    Also plastic surgery? Are you serious? That is way worse in my opinion than having a baby.
    Last edited by catloverd; August 20th, 2012 at 07:43 PM.
    Our Cats:
    Calcifer & Mittzy

    Our Dog:
    Lexie

    Favorite Names
    Elsa ~ Flora ~ Luna ~ Euphemia ~ Caroline ~ Artemis
    Ezra ~ Severus ~ Llewellyn ~ Rory ~ Liam ~ Preston

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  3. #15
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    217
    Pregnancy is beautiful. If you want to feel your body at its fullest empowerment, the "changes" are worth it. It's not like a cancer, you are creating life, and a woman is at her strongest in pregnancy and delivery.
    Mama to Judah David, born November 2012 <3

    Alexia Mae, Biblical Baby Name Guru
    http://www.babynamesfromthebible.com/

  4. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,169
    Also does anyone know anything about ribs breaking? My friend said it's common. I was wondering if anyone had that problem as well or knew what the odds were? I've been on other forums and have read more scary stories about how they can't do anything until after the birth.... so you're stuck with rib pain which does not appeal to me at all.
    Our Cats:
    Calcifer & Mittzy

    Our Dog:
    Lexie

    Favorite Names
    Elsa ~ Flora ~ Luna ~ Euphemia ~ Caroline ~ Artemis
    Ezra ~ Severus ~ Llewellyn ~ Rory ~ Liam ~ Preston

    Author Site | Tumblr | Blog | Free Printables

  5. #19
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    440
    Too young to have children, but as an x-ray tech I can tell you about broken ribs. It is ranked the absolute worst bone to break. Surgery is usually not an option and the pain is unbearable in many cases. The only thing you can do is stay on bed rest for a very long time. I'm not sure how common it is to fracture your ribs during pregnancy (though it seems very possible), but you can break your rib from just sneezing or coughing. Usually, if one rib is broken another one is broken as well. Some of my patients that came in with fractured ribs were still able to walk, so that is reassuring that the damage might not be that bad.

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