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  1. #6
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    Apr 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by pansy View Post
    I know that sometimes your hips actually widen and there can be changes with your breasts (I've known some people who were more endowed after having their kids, some less and some the same). Also, your shoe size can increase with each pregnancy. I agree with the previous poster that you should ask the women in your family and see what, if any, changes their bodies went through post pregnancy.

    Also, how old are you? When I was younger (early to mid-twenties) even though I knew I wanted kids eventually, the thought of pregnancy did not appeal. Once I got into my late twenties though, all those reasons why I was apprehensive about pregnancy/labor (body changes, labor pains, etc) totally went out the window. They just didn't really matter anymore and now that I am pregnant, I'm really enjoying it. So I guess what I'm trying to say here is if you're some years off from having children (which I'm assuming you are since your signature says you're engaged), I wouldn't worry too much about the effects of pregnancy on your body. When it comes to the time that you're actually having a baby, your views/concerns might have changed.
    Problem is that if we have a baby, we plan on not telling anyone until we at least know the gender, but if I had it my way, it wouldn't be till after the birth. I just don't want people seeing me "Fat" no matter what anyone says, I always view pregnant people as fat, sorry.... but that's just how I feel so if I do go that route I refuse to be seen by anyone I know. I also have an overbearing mother and we don't want her involved so to prevent her feelings getting hurt, we're just planning on not telling anyone, so I can't talk to anyone without giving hints that we are thinking about it. Probably won't start trying till a couple more years, but then it might become more problematic if I choose not to carry the child since we'll have to save up money or get on a list... so I'm trying to sort out the positives and negatives of all the choices.

    I am 21, but I will still be in my twenties when we have a child. I don't think my views will change, they have only gotten worse thanks to my friends. One took a class related to pregnancy and told me horrible stories of the baby breaking bones due to kicking hard.... she actually says that surrogacy is a much better option since pregnancy basically "destroys" the body. Before I was leaning towards possibly being pregnant, but thanks to her, I am now leaning more towards adoption/surrogacy.
    Our Cats:
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  2. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
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    739
    There will be changes and I don't want to be rude, but if you aren't willing to make some physical sacrifices then I believe you are not ready to have children. I used to feel the same way then one day it just became a non-issue, I was ready for whatever nature was going to give me. I changed my mind when I was about 25 (because news flash, your body will change baby or not). The way I see it is, in order to have a child and truly care for it you should be ready willing to give up anything for that child. Surrogacy IMO is not for women looking to keep their tummies in tact, it's for women who are physically incapable of carrying a child safely. There is nothing wrong with adoption either but I feel you are considering it for the wrong reasons. I'd recommend just really thinking about why body image is your reason for not wanting to have your own child, and if its something you're not willing to sacrifice or work on before, during and after pregnancy, then is having a child what you really want? I feel as though you are still too selfish or self involved to have another person dependent on you. Honestly, I have never heard anyone but you say pregnant women are just "fat". MANY women do not gain unneeded body fat during pregnancy. If your mind doesn't change I sincerely hope you chose to not have children and enjoy your life for yourself. I said sincerely because I mean that in a kind way.
    Last edited by tinabina; August 20th, 2012 at 06:29 PM.
    Mommy to Ivory (the cat), Hudson (the bulldog mix), and LittleFoot aka Lilla (the lab x terrier).

    Our little girl is due February 2013.

  3. #10
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    Feb 2011
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    1,636
    After reading your response to my post, I've got to say that I agree with tinabina. It sounds like you have a lot of issues (body and otherwise) that you need to work out before having children (if you do decide that you even want them). What you're describing sounds like some kind of severe fear/paranoia and you should really address that before making any final decisions on having kids. Not wanting anyone to see you while pregnant is very extreme, not to mention not very practical. How would you even do that? Quit your job right away and not leave the house or talk to anyone for nine months?

  4. #12
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    Apr 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinabina View Post
    There will be changes and I don't want to be rude, but if you aren't willing to make some physical sacrifices then I believe you are not ready to have children. I used to feel the same way then one day it just became a non-issue, I was ready for whatever nature was going to give me. I changed my mind when I was about 25 (because news flash, your body will change baby or not). The way I see it is, in order to have a child and truly care for it you should be ready willing to give up anything for that child. Surrogacy IMO is not for women looking to keep their tummies in tact, it's for women who are physically incapable of carrying a child safely. There is nothing wrong with adoption either but I feel you are considering it for the wrong reasons. I'd recommend just really thinking about why body image is your reason for not wanting to have your own child, and if its something you're not willing to sacrifice or work on before, during and after pregnancy, then is having a child what you really want? I feel as though you are still too selfish or self involved to have another person dependent on you. Honestly, I have never heard anyone but you say pregnant women are just "fat". MANY women do not gain unneeded body fat during pregnancy. If your mind doesn't change I sincerely hope you chose to not have children and enjoy your life for yourself. I said sincerely because I mean that in a kind way.
    Well, to me a women has a right to keep her body. Why do you think there are so many pro choice people out there? It's the same thing, it's my body. I don't have to have a child using my body. I actually ALWAYS wanted to adopt. I have a fear of overpopulating the environment. My fiance' though really wants his own, so surrogacy was the other option to avoid using my body. Men don't give birth and don't have to give up their bodies, would you consider them selfish? Why must I give up my body for a child when he doesn't?

    I actually don't have body issues. I think I look pretty good, but I can't help but see a pregnant woman and automatically think "she's fat/huge!" I just have such a negative connotation towards pregnant women. My friend even says pregnant women freak her out so I'm not the only one.
    Last edited by catloverd; August 20th, 2012 at 06:51 PM.
    Our Cats:
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    Our Dog:
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    Favorite Names
    Elsa ~ Flora ~ Luna ~ Euphemia ~ Caroline ~ Artemis
    Ezra ~ Severus ~ Llewellyn ~ Rory ~ Liam ~ Preston

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  5. #14
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    Apr 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by pansy View Post
    After reading your response to my post, I've got to say that I agree with tinabina. It sounds like you have a lot of issues (body and otherwise) that you need to work out before having children (if you do decide that you even want them). What you're describing sounds like some kind of severe fear/paranoia and you should really address that before making any final decisions on having kids. Not wanting anyone to see you while pregnant is very extreme, not to mention not very practical. How would you even do that? Quit your job right away and not leave the house or talk to anyone for nine months?
    Basically the last part, but I said people I know so going to the store will be no problem. We live a state away from all family and friends, so I have no problems with avoiding them. I don't plan on working IF I choose to carry the baby. I wouldn't mind telling friends, but I don't trust them enough to keep it a secret. Also my friends support the surrogacy thing as well. None of them want to get pregnant and say why destroy your body when there are people out there who just love being pregnant and will do it for you. They are all feminists though.
    Our Cats:
    Calcifer & Mittzy

    Our Dog:
    Lexie

    Favorite Names
    Elsa ~ Flora ~ Luna ~ Euphemia ~ Caroline ~ Artemis
    Ezra ~ Severus ~ Llewellyn ~ Rory ~ Liam ~ Preston

    Author Site | Tumblr | Blog | Free Printables

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