Things No One Tells You

[goodhope]

I didn't realize I'd go through so many changes of clothes the first week or so. For the baby, yes, but I mean for me. I was such a mess, and I felt like my body had sprung multiple leaks--sweating like a pig, leaking milk, bleeding, semi-incontinent, splattered with the baby's effluvia...

I wasn't prepared for the lochia. I knew it was going to happen, of course, but I figured it would be just like a regular period, only longer. It really wasn't. It felt different, smelled different...it was just different. I was grossed out, TBH, and desperately eager for it to end.

Oh, and all the parenting books, parenting blogs, parenting techniques, and parenting philosphies you've studied? Yeah, your baby hasn't read any of them and doesn't care. He has his own ideas. Don't cling slavishly to someone else's ideal and make yourself and your kid miserable. Be prepared to adapt until you find something that works for you.

[saraallison]

It is so hard to go number one after a vaginal delivery.
The after birth contractions hurt way worse and way longer on baby number two.
It was way harder to lose the baby weight, or at least it took longer, after baby number two.
Breast feeding cravings can be worse than preg cravings.
Not everyone loses tons of weight bc of breast feeding. In some cases, yes mine, it actually can slow down weight loss bc your body thinks it needs to hold onto the extra fat in case of famine or something.

[lyricmom]

It is so hard to go number one after a vaginal delivery.
The after birth contractions hurt way worse and way longer on baby number two.
It was way harder to lose the baby weight, or at least it took longer, after baby number two.
Breast feeding cravings can be worse than preg cravings.
Not everyone loses tons of weight bc of breast feeding. In some cases, yes mine, it actually can slow down weight loss bc your body thinks it needs to hold onto the extra fat in case of famine or something.

Oh jeez, more to look forward to. I gained 50 lbs. with my first, and it took two years to get it off (right in time to get pregnant again). And I agree with you about not losing weight while breastfeeding. I think the whole breastfeeding/weight loss thing is another myth perpetuated by the patriarchy to keep women at home and kids on the tit. I think you actually need to maintain a layer of blubber in order to breastfeed (at least I did).

[rowangreeneyes]

There's a lot that came as a surprise to me after I had a baby. The pregnancy itself was pretty uneventful besides the common knowledge issues of peeing every 10 minutes, and never being able to find a comfortable position to sleep. I had an "emergency" c-section and I did not breastfeed...

- No one tells you that it's the actual hospital bed and all the wires and gadgets you're hooked up to that's the most uncomfortable part of labor. If I was able to get up and move around and get my mind off of it, it would have been so much easier.
- How hard it is to go hours and hours without eating, my labor was 23 hours and I didn't eat the entire time. And then after the surgery, you don't want to eat because you're in so much pain. I think the no eating rule is ridiculous.
- It might just have been my baby in particular, but no one tells you how easy a newborn is. Now that she's almost 10 months, I look back on the newborn stage and I'm like "Why does everyone make it seem like newborns are so hard?" I'm definitely not worried about it with the next child.
- No one tells you when you have a c-section, they have to push on your uterus to help expel all the blood and it hurts SO BAD, it literally feels like they're killing you. And how much you bleed afterwards, and the clots are so huge it looks like a horror movie.

[ange84]

Rowangreeneyes you are right to question the not eating the whole time while in labour. More and more hospitals (at least where I am) are letting you make that decision for yourself as well as being hooked up to an IV and fetal monitors. (I know it sounds strange but apparently constant fetal monitoring has no scientific backing for healthier mothers and babies when compared to intermittent monitoring) Also, being able to move around is supposed to be a lot more conducive to moving baby down that canal, so it sounds like your instincts were right on track.
saraallison and lyricmom, thanks fort the tip about breastfeeding and weight-loss, it makes sense that your body wants to hold onto some more fat and probably slows down your metabolism. I will have to try to make it a priority to eat more to accommodate for all the extra outgoing calories!

[whistlemytune]

Wow girls! Thank you! I'm 10+6 with my first!

[lyricmom]

The whole prohibition against eating during labor is a major flaw in the western system of childbirth, IMO. How can a woman be expected to perform a major feat of physical strength and endurance without any sustenance besides jello and ice chips? It's insane.

Ladies, before you take off for the hospital, EAT! Eat lots of protein!

[flickitty]

Well I'm back to my pre baby weight after baby #2, only my jeans still don't fit - turns out my body shape has changed, no one I know has told me that could happen! Also, I had really, thick shiney pregnant lady hair with both my pregnancies; both times I had handfuls of hair falling out afterwards, no one told me that could happen. As a side note please be reassured it seems to have stopped before getting a receding hairline or bald patches but still freaked me out seeing all that hair fall out!

[mimimommy]

This whole "by 6 weeks you should be able to have intercourse" no! Not in my case anyway, it was more like 6 months. And you don't necessarily just tear your perineum, you can also tear your labia and up to your cervix. Took me 2 years to feel normal there again. And peeing, not just pooping, can hurt like heck after delivery (That's my personal horror story). Oh, and you'll never look the same "down there". Forget ever becoming a porn star lol.
Also, I was unprepared for how much blood there would be after delivery, I was bleeding like a stabbed pig, leaving puddles all the way to the bathroom.
And how much in love with my baby I would be. Like a mother bear. Hearing him cry would make me cry. I would have killed anyone trying to hurt him (still would). Even if you're normally quiet and complacent, you turn into a different person when your kid's at stake. And of course, your baby is the cutest. Too bad if other people think they're babies are cuter, they're all wrong.
One more thing, it is usually completely unnecessary for the nurses to yell "push push push" unless you're numb from an epidural, your body just does it, you actually don't have control over it, like if you were stuck on a desert island all by yourself about to have your first baby and you don't know a thing about birth, your baby would still get born, you can't control that urge.

[darci]

No one ever told me that when your water breaks, it's not necessarily a big gush. We thought my water hadn't broken after five hours of labor, so the doctor went to break it, only to find most of it had leaked out already. Let me tell you, it hurts when they poke an empty water sac.

No one ever told me that it your child is born on the small side, they can do the 'wake up every two hours to eat at night' thing for as long as two years. My daughter was 5lbs, 5oz, and she finally stopped that at about 19-20 months.

I had no idea morning sickness could last so long; mine didn't stop until I was just over 8 months along. Also, I didn't know that you don't necessarily lactate. My daughter had to be almost exclusively bottle fed because I hardly lactated at all.

Also, no one ever told me post partum depression can last as long as a year after the baby's born, I'd always assumed it was one of those things that went away after a couple of months.