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July 26th, 2012 11:40 PM #56Junior Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
Wow. This thread has had a big impact on me.
I completely understand where you are with this as I find myself in the same situation. My baby is 5 months old and I am experiencing the same inability to use her name at all as it just feels all wrong. I cringe whenever I hear it. Reading your message has made me realise I don't want to be still feeling like this in a years time!
In response to another message - In my case, Yes, this is about my ego and my image of myself and my new family and it also has associations with my husband and I not communicating very well in the moment we named our baby.
We didn't know whether we were having a boy or a girl. We had no trouble with boys names but really struggled with girls names. I had a strong feeling it was a boy so didnt get too stressed about it. (Yes! I do wish we had found out the gender now).
We named our daughter Alice Elizabeth under pressure following a traumatic birth. It has never sat well with me and my image of an Alice just doesn't match who I am or who I would imagine my daughter to be.
I feel it is impacting on my bonding with her and that I need to feel warmth and love when I say my child's name in order to be the best parent I can be.
The things that have stopped me from changing it are 1) I don't have any name that I love to replace it with. (what if I start to dislike the name change). 2)Putting my husband and family through the embarressment of announcing a name change (although all are aware of the issue and willing to support it). 3)dealing with other peoples responses.
After reading some of the replies here, I am considering changing to Ava as it is not so different to Alice.
I hope you don't feel like I am hijacking this topic penny pickle but I would be interested in your thoughts?! I have been trying to convince myself it is just post natal adjustment time and it will pass but it doesn't seem to be.
July 27th, 2012 11:26 AM #58Member
- Join Date
- Jul 2012
I had cousins who became missionaries in Mexico, and once they got there, found out that their eldest daughter's name is slang for something HORRIBLE in Spanish. She was 5 or 6 at the time, and they very slowly and deliberatly started calling her something similar to her name, but not exactly the same. A few years later, she barely remembers what he real name is. They never legally changed it - I don't think that's something you have to do.
I think if you really want to, you can do the same. But for sure, make sure you get it right this time - you can't keep changing your mind, that wouldn't be fair to her, or other people (i.e "Oh yeah, we 're not calling her that anymore, now she's _____"). I went to school with a girl who "changed her name" every year. Seriously. And insisted we all call her whatever her choice was for that school year. It was the strangest and just plain stupidest thing ever.
July 27th, 2012 11:40 AM #60Member
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- Jun 2010
July 27th, 2012 01:25 PM #62Junior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
I sympathize and don't think in either case it is too late to change the name. Find something you love regardless of what others think and go for it. In the case of the older child I might be inclined to keep her current name in the mn slot, especially if other family members have bonded with it.
I feel in a similar situation to tree hugger. I have a 5 week old and despite posting here and agonizing at home what we should name her, I feel she was given a birth name too fast in the hospital (Harper Olivia); I have had misgivings ever since. It's not post partum hormones, and while I think the name is pretty on paper, I don't feel it suits her so I also cringe when others say it. I haven't bonded with it at all and am dying for a name I love that I can call her, and one that will also be her legal name. It was a last minute addition to the name list, and Harper is just a little harsh for my sweet baby girl and there are no cute nn to use in the meantime. My husband and support system are more than supportive of a name change but I have tremendous guilt, especially for my DH who likes it (he's the only one who uses her birth name). My true love is Harlow and he doesn't love it which is why we compromised with Harper. Now I really want to change it but want him to love her name like I do, so am paralyzed between the 2 names. I suppose we could merge them and create a mouthful with Harlow Ann Harper (Ann being a family name), Harper Harlow, or change it up completely with a backup of Rowan Harlow; the catch being that while DH is 100% supportive, he's removed himself from the name decision because he feels connected to Harper but has said he will bond with whatever her name is just the same. I'm not embarrassed about what others will think, but do feel a sense of sadness we didn't get it 'right' the first time, but want both of us to feel connected and bonded with her name.
Long story short, if you don't love it change it to something that makes you swoon! We all want to be happy and proud when we introduce our children and their names to others. If you cringe when you hear it or it doesn't resonate with you, do something about it. In the case of Chloe June (yes it's a very pretty name, but your family has to love it) I'd so it sooner than later, she's still young and kids are resilient. Most kids I know respond to several names from first names, many go by middle names, and most have some variations of nn. I personally think it's digging a little too deep if you're thinking you'll give her an identity crises if you change her name before she's two, but I do like the idea of keeping her original name in there somewhere.
Last edited by kgill; July 27th, 2012 at 01:27 PM.
July 27th, 2012 03:56 PM #64
On one hand, I'm wholly on your side for changing her name since you truly despise it, and cringe when you hear it. However, in all this time since she's been born you still haven't come up with a name you and your husband are completely sold on. Are you sure you can find a name you won't want to change in another year? It's not looking like you can, and that's the only hindrance. All I'm saying here is if you're going to change it, make sure that it's something you could never regret.Blessed to be a mother of 5.
My dashing fellows: Aidan Mackenzie (12 yrs) and Remy Forrester (resting in heaven)
My dahling daughters: Ava Dulcea (5 yrs), Mia Isobel (2yrs) and Gemma Hermione (just joining us!).