Did you change or keep your last name when you got married?

[yvettey]

I've been considering this issue lately and was wondering what you all chose to do/ think you will do.
Did you (or do you intend to) adopt your partner's last name after marriage, keep your maiden name or hyphenate the two? In the case of the latter two, what last name did you give (or will you give) your children?

[cressida]

I kept mine. Hyphenation wasn't really much of an option for my husband and I because our two monosyllabic surnames sound/look completely silly together.

Even if our names had "worked" better, though, I doubt that hyphenation would have been a serious option for us. Two of my good friends (one male, one female) both bore hyphenated last names as kids, and as adults both of them dropped one name; knowing this really makes me think twice about the long-term feasibility of keeping hyphenated names around as families grow up.

We're currently expecting for the first time (twins!), and they'll get my husband's surname for simplicity's sake. We haven't decided yet if my surname will make an appearance as a middle (or second middle) or not--it will depend on issues like length, flow, etc. once we settle on first names.

[tintri]

I decided to take my husband's name, for several reasons. First of all, simplicity. It's just easier for me to have one last name, especially since I work with kids. Secondly, I didn't like the way it looked or sounded hyphenated.

Next, I really like the idea of the family unit all having one name. The X's. Mr. X, brother X, sister X, and Mrs. W-X.... that just didn't sit well with me. I like the idea of cohesiveness that having one family name can bring - although I don't judge or care what other girls choose to do.

I truly believe a rose by any other name is still a rose. I wasn't so rooted in my maiden name that I couldn't change it. It didn't define me as a person. I still have the same childhood experiences and family regardless of what my name is. I had no professional obligations tying me to my maiden name, (for instance, like an author or actor might have.) My family was not so important or prominent that I felt I would have some sort of advantage by keeping my maiden name.

I feel that hyphenation is a deeply personal choice that the modern woman in today's society needs to make. I also feel that we should respect that woman's choice, no matter what it is. I don't mind when I see other women with hyphenated names... although I must confess sometimes I'm not sure what to call them. For example, we had another teacher at my building with a hyphenated name. It was long and cumbersome, and sounded a little silly when the kids said it in full. But that's what she preferred, so I tried to respect that. I did just end up calling her by her first name - so ended my dilemma! Lol. I've known of other women with hyphens that just go by the first last name, or just by the last last name (hope that makes sense.) So I guess we've come to the point where we should just ask the person what they prefer - and hopefully they aren't offended!

Great thread!

[samjaymc]

I'm not married, but right now I wouldn't change my last name if I married. The reason; it's my only link that I have to my brother who passed away. I may hyphenate my name though.

[random]

Not married yet, but I would keep my name. That's who I am... my SO would not change his name either.
An additional reason is that our work/publications so far are written using our family names. It would be annoying to change.
We have given our daughter my last name. We had to pick one, and mine was simply a bit easier.
I do understand the desire to have one family name. But for me, that's not that important.

[grackym]

I took my husbands name, my maiden name was Smith, I hated how boring it sounded; its extremely common in Aus.
Hubby's last name is Dutch, really long and interesting sounding-I love it!
I took hubby's last name because I think it joins us as a family, and I really love the idea of a whole family sharing the last name.

I went to school with a girl who had 4 different last names in their house(maiden names, father name and step father names) it was very confusing!

If you'd like to keep your last name, I suggest hyphenation (for the sake of future kids) or you can actually put it in the middle spot, so you have two middles, which would be cool!
Good luck

[aussiesteph]

I, too, changed my name because I wanted my whole immediate family to share a name. I spent a lot of my life looking forward to getting rid of my hard to pronounce (okay, nearly impossible on the first try!) name but, when the time came, it took me until almost my 2nd wedding anniversary to legally change it! I did feel quite sentimental and sad to let my maiden name go in the end. I thought it would be so much easier to match my future kids' names to my husband's very easy to pronounce, anglo name. But, of course, lots the names I am really liking start with the same letter as my married name (which is the same letter that both of our first names begin with - all a bit too matchy-matchy for my taste)!

[lunaaah]

I'm not married because I'm only 16, but my mum kept her name. Where I live it's pretty normal to have one first name and 2 last names instead of one first name, one middle and one last, and both of my parents have 2 last names. When they had my brother and I they simply gave us my mum's first last name and my dad's second last name, if that makes any sense. Since it's so normal to have 2 last names to me, I would probably just keep my name and give my children two last names, if I were in your situation.

[rollo]

It is only a relatively modern idea to decide whether or not to take your husband's name when you get married. When I married in the 60's it was the norm to take your husband's name. We all loved taking our husband's name, we were proud to be called Mrs (last name) and I sorely miss the custom of calling someone who is married Mrs (last name) as a matter of course. I really dislike the familiarity that the young ones take as a matter of course with oldies by calling them by their first name.

It was ground breaking stuff when young women were given the option of using Ms instead of Miss and it took a long while to catch on, and I believe it didn't catch on until there was a spike in the number of people leaving university and taking up a career.

So would I take on my husband's name if I had my time over again, an emphatic yes! However, I do like the anonymity that a Ms name gives a business woman and I endorse a business woman being Ms (maiden name) when at work but Mrs (husband's name) in private life.

rollo

[zaelia]

I took my husband's last name when we got married. My main thought was ease of identifying our family unit ('The Zimmermanns') particularly once we had kids. My husband said that when he was little there was always some confusion in school (think permission slips etc) about his relation to his mother since they didn't share the same last name and I didn't want to deal with that. Plus it was just important for me to have the same last name as my kids for some reason. I kept my last name in the form of a second middle, and might have considered giving it to my kids too if it had flowed better (names ending in S don't really work well before names beginning with Z).

As a side note, my husband's father's last name was changed when he was little because his widowed mother remarried. Had my husband had his father's original last name I might have been more hesitant about changing: Sexsmith. (Hmmmm....)

One very athletic couple I know had a long distance relay race between the bridesmaids/bride and groomsmen/groom to see which last name the couple would take together. I thought that was a unique way to decide!