View Poll Results: Should I change Alice's middle names?
- 23. You may not vote on this poll
Yes, legally change her name to Alice Dorothea Younglove [husband's name]
Yes, change her name to Alice Dorothea Younglove [husband's name], but unofficially
No, leave her name as it is, Alice Younglove [husband's name]
May 12th, 2014 10:06 AM #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Jan 2009
- Rochester, NY
Seriously Thinking of Legally Adding Second Middle Name for Daughter
Before my daughter Alice was born, we debated about using the middle name Dorothea, which honors her paternal grandmonther and my favorite great-aunt or my last name Younglove. I love my last name and kept it after marriage as my full name has always felt complete and like me. There are also very few Youngloves and I wanted to pass down this family name to my daughter.
My husband did not want to give our daughter two middle names because he viewed it as a future paperwork hassle for her that he wanted to avoid. We considered a double-barrel last name, but our names go together very awkwardly and some negative feedback from friends with double-barrel last names who hated them persuaded us not to.
When deciding which name to give her, we decided on my last name since typing Alice Dorothea [husband's last name] into Google revealed a massive number of hits. My husband's last name is one of the top 10 most common in the US. Also, I floated the idea of an honor name to my great-aunt and she said she has always hated her name and didn't want to pass it on, which made me quite sad and discouraged me from using it. We also thought that perhaps using my last name would be a clearer link for people when we pick her up from school, daycare etc. so that she seems more connected to me in a practical sense.
Alice is 19 months old now and I am regretting our decision. Instead of linking her to me in a clear way, at daycare, the workers are just confused about her middle name and try listing it as a double-barrel last name and ask what her middle name is. Also, they call the kids by their first and middles sometimes as a game and Alice Younglove sounds odd. When I get frustrated with my daughter I want to call her by her first and middle but every time I try to say Alice Younglove! it doesn't sound right to me the way Alice Dorothea sounds. In addition, my parents don't even appreciate that I used our last name to honor our family. My Mom thinks it's weird and says that Y. is a strange middle initial. Finally, we have realized that for medical and personal reasons we won't be having any more children and in my mind I had been thinking it was okay that we didn't use Dorothea this time since maybe there would be a next time. Now that there is no next time, I feel like we missed the opportunity. Plus Alice's name doesn't feel complete to me in a way that I can't quite explain.
I floated the idea of adding Dorothea to my husband recently and he was surprisingly supportive. He told me to think about it some more and that if my mind was still made up in a month or so that we could do it. We still both have some hesitancy though. First, I do think that the paperwork really is more awkward with two middle names. Second, I don't really want to throw out the middle name Younglove, and I'm worried that if I added Dorothea before it that the Dorothea would bump off the Younglove on most forms that specify to just use your first middle name.
I'm also considering just using Dorothea unofficially -- like putting it on special name items for her, but not changing any paperwork. Would that be even more confusing in the future for her? Trying to explain to her why one of her names is invisible on paperwork? Or having people fill out things for her and writing "Alice Dorothea" when that wouldn't be legally accurate? Does anyone have any experience with hidden additional names that aren't on birth certificates? Would you advise for or against it?
May 12th, 2014 10:18 AM #3
I think if you and your husband are both happy with changing Alice's name to include Dorothea, then why not?? Alice Dorothea is beautiful and it's not like you'll be confusing her by changing her first name or anything drastic like that, your just adding a name. I think it's a lovely idea, and you seem to really want it. I'd go for it as long as hubby is 100% with youWalter Theodore 14/03/2016
May 12th, 2014 10:27 AM #5
After reading all your reasons I say yes, go ahead and legally add Dorothea.~ Elisabeth Odelia "Elsie" ~ Gideon Boone ~
~ Adelheid Ruby "Addie Rue" ~ Theodore Solomon "Teddy"~~ Casilda Josephine "Cassie Jo" ~ Zaccheaus Westley "Zeke" ~
May 12th, 2014 10:44 AM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Nov 2011
- Ontario, Canada
I would definitely legally add Dorothea as an additional middle name. It's beautiful, has significance, and clearly means a lot to you.
I myself have 2 middles (one of which is my mother's maiden name). It's never been a problem on forms or legal documents, and I've always liked having two middles, and that special link to my mother.