Parenting styles in your country/area?

[geauxtee]

Hi everyone,

I was reading an article at the New Yorker about how American children are often spoiled and can be non helpful. I feel like Americans often do everything around their children (where they live, car, vacation, plan their day). I also think American kids just have too much stuff! As a teacher, I have also seen the other extreme -- parents who simply don't care. If you are American, I was wondering if you find this is the case in your city/state?

If you are in another country, how do you find the parenting style in your country? Is it relax (supposedly like the French in the new book Bringing Up Bebe?) or is more success/authoritarian driven(like the Chinese mother in the Tiger Mother book)?

Curious to see everyone's thoughts on this one...

Here is the article if anyone was interested...
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critic..._books_kolbert

[tintri]

As a person who works with children in the US, I can confidently say that the biggest problem American children often seem to have is ENTITLEMENT! (Of course, this is true of many adults as well.) Entitlement runs rampant in virtually every socio-economic status and ethnic background I've been exposed to, (and I've worked with inner-city, suburban, rural, and army base children.) Not only do so many of our children have too much, but they are often not taught how to appreciate any of it.

As with anything, there are always exceptions to the rule and not every child fits into this stereotype. But my experience has led me to believe entitlement is a major concern with American children and families at this time.

[johannaheartsnames]

^ I completely agree. I also think that children lack manners. Many parents are really busy, so no one teaches kids things that are important when interacting with others like manners, common courtesy and respect. Of course, many kids in America are spoiled. They get whatever they want, therefor they think that they DESERVE whatever they want. There's nothing wrong with getting your children things they want, as long as the child is grateful!

[lineska]

Where I am in the US, I find that a lot of parents are actually quite distant, wrapped up in their own social lives and careers (which by all means, they should have, but sometimes the kids seem to come last). Some parents almost seem to substitute extravagant amounts of stuff (toys, clothes, amazing bedrooms and birthday parties) for having a real parent-child relationship. A lot of parents work long hours and commute to the city so kids are either in daycare for long hours, I know one little girl who gets dropped off at daycare at 6 am and picked up around 9 pm on an average day. Even when one parent is home, many are raised primarily by a nanny or au pair.

I really want to read Bringing up Bebe. Theres an older book "Perfect Madness" by Judith Warner that I loved. The premise is what happens when women who have worked to "get ahead" in their careers become mothers and go into it with the same competitive gusto. (And you get crazed competitions over whose Hello Kitty birthday party was the best and mothers driving themselves crazy in the pursuit of perfection).

[milasmama]

I'm in New Zealand.
I think parents tend to surround themselves with like-minded parents, so what everyone thinks is their local "style" is probably just a sub-section of it.
My parenting style and those of most of the parents I know is not at all like either "Bringing up Bebe" (self-centered, detached parents) or Tiger Mom (abusive!). Smacking is illegal here and most parents are proponents of gentle discipline anyway. I practise a mix of attachment parenting and RIE ideas. I believe compassion, empathy and respect are taught by example. If you hit your child and punish them, they will learn to disrespect others. Treat them kindly and they will treat others the same. Pretty simple really.

What else do I believe in... lots of unstructured play, limited toys and toys made from natural materials, not pushing gender roles on children, babywearing, breastfeeding, letting your kid make their way through life at their own pace.

[kiki]

Working in a UK school it is clear that UK kids are much like your description of American kids nowadays. All the teachers who have been in education for many years have noticed a marked drop in behaviour, attitude and ability.

[catloverd]

I agree that American children are spoiled and they grow up to be greedy. I think it's because parents think buying gifts for their children is a way to "buy love" or to bribe them to do good things.

My mom is Chinese so she wanted us to get good grades of course, if we came home with a C, on a test or homework assignment, we were basically dead. It didn't matter if our overall grade in the class was a B or A. C=death. So she was a bit of tiger mom in that respect.... but she often bribed us for good grades. If we got all A's she'd give us something we really wanted or money. I don't agree with doing this because sometimes your child's best is a B, not an A. You should reward your child for doing their best, not based on some written down score. Even then I wouldn't use money or toys. Baking cookies works just fine as a reward.

Another, even worse problem, is grandparents. They spoil kids to death and make it hard for parents. My mom doesn't have grandchildren yet, but she constantly buys baby stuff for others, so I know I'm screwed when I have a kid because she'll want to buy him or her tons of stuff. My fiance' and I agreed we'd take it and then donate it without her knowing. She probably won't remember what she got the child anyway.... it's kind of mean, but I don't want my kids to end up spoiled and think money/toys is a way to gain love.

[hayley88]

I would agree that in the UK most teachers have seen a drop in motivation and ability in recent years,generally speaking.

I would say though,from many visits to the US,that until around age 6 that UK and US children are on par behaviour wise. But after that I find there to be a marked difference in maturity levels. American children (in the areas I have visited) are quite immature and loud when compared to children of the same age in the UK. It's like the parents are deliberately keeping them young.

That isn't to say UK children are perfect,far from it! The French style of parenting it is interesting,if slightly too distant. But that said,European children (on the continent) seem to be significantly more pleasant on the whole that British and American children.

I have a theory this is down to how family friendly the continent is. Whereas the UK and USA are controlled by highly capitalist governments who,generally speaking,only care about money. This leads to a very different atmosphere regarding children.

[scarlettrobin]

I don't believe you can spoil a kid with too much love and attention, they get spoiled when their needs [as in emotional, physical, etc] aren't met and they are plied with material items as a substitute for genuine human interaction. And yes, that is far too prevalent in American society these days.

I can't really speak to the parenting style of the state I currently live in [Michigan], I only recently moved here and don't really know very many other parents. Where I lived in GA most of the folks I knew/met were into Attachment Parenting.

[renrose]

I would say though,from many visits to the US,that until around age 6 that UK and US children are on par behaviour wise. But after that I find there to be a marked difference in maturity levels. American children (in the areas I have visited) are quite immature and loud when compared to children of the same age in the UK.

Could this be anything to do with the fact that we start school at four?