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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    199

    Pregnant and very worried about miscarriage

    Hello everyone. I'm pregnant again (unplanned). I'm very worried about telling my husband as we had a very hard time with 7 early miscarriages between our 1st and 2nd one of which ended in an emergency hospital visit... My husband took everyone of them very hard and honestly wasn't much fun for me either. I fell pregnant with my 3rd very quickly after my 2nd and although it was an uneventful pregnancy he literally didn't sleep for weeks until we got past the first trimester. Obviously I have to tell him - wish I could wait to tell him until I get to 12 weeks but that would be wrong right? Just looking for some reassurance I guess. I'd be very interested in hearing anyone elses stories if you feel up to sharing them - I just feel so alone in this. Many thanks, Fran

  2. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    611
    Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time.
    I have no personal experience in this. I don't think it would be wrong per se to keep it from your husband until 12 weeks. After all,you're doing it with the very best intentions. But I think it's a heavy weight for you to bear alone given your previous experiences. You'll be just as worried as he will.
    I think that,even if your husband worries a lot about it once you tell him,it may be better for you both if you do. But explain how you're worried about how he'd cope if something were to go wrong. It may help him realise that you need support too?
    But that said,only you know what is best for your relationship.
    Best wishes,Hayley.

  3. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,186
    I'm too am sorry to hear of your losses. My husband and I have had three losses, two early first trimester and one, last December at 16.5 weeks. I think it's important to grieve and go through the stages of loss. One important step for me is to remember the positives and focus on the "happy times" and happy thoughts. Sharing the moments right now with your husband...such as the excitement of taking a pregnancy test, looking through baby names, looking at your other children's baby books or a scrapbook of their first few days...something to focus your energy on the excitment of this blessing and new life. If you miscarry, it will be tragic, but you will have a positive base to remember and I think it's important to go through that together. I don't know if "wrong" is the right word, but I'd feel very strange keeping something like that from my husband. Unless he specifically told you not to tell him if you got pregnant again!

    I understand that he was upset about your losses and he worried last time, but this is something you are in together. He was involved in making the baby. He needs to "step up" and deal with his worries and support you. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I didn't intend it that way! I'd be hurt if my husband didn't want to know about our baby for 3 months so that he didn't have to worry about it. I'd much rather he join in prayers and positive thoughts with me.

    In fact, my husband and I are there right now. We are very newly pregnant (eek! I haven't said this on NB yet!) and it is scary. Our last pregnancy was very emotional. I need him right now more than ever! He is not a worrier type, but we've talked about things and I know it's in the back of his mind. Even if this pregnancy ends in a loss, we will thank God for the life/blessing he gave us. I'll also cling to early memories -- specifically the look on my DH's face when I told him the test was positive. It was such an amazingly joyful moment we shared.

    Ok on a practical side:
    Are you able to have early blood draws to test beta #s? an early ultrasound? Can your doctor test progesterone to see if you need to use a supplement? Do you need extra folic acid? (there are some conditions that cause your body to not be able to process folic acid) With many early losses, you might also want to look into testing for blood clotting or an autoimmune condition called Hughes Syndrome. It turns out I have that and it caused compilications in my pregnancies. Being able to identify if there is a physical condion that you can treat (I take a baby aspirin daily to prevent blood clots), it may ease you and DH's fears.
    Last edited by crunchymama; June 16th, 2012 at 11:34 PM.
    Wife to one great guy
    Mama to six pretty ladies: Scarlett (12), Penelope (9), Alice (3), Fiona (3), Lucille (16 mo.) & Coraline (16 mo.)

    & 4 angels gone before us: Christian (7 wks), Amos (6 wks), Naomi (16.5 wks), & Hosanna (6 wks)

    ~We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.~

  4. #7
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    199
    Thankyou so much. thanks hayley. crunchymama I'm sorry to hear about your losses and am very impressed at your positive attitude through them. I shall keep everything crossed for you! Sounds a terrible thing to say but it does make me feel better that it isn't just me... You hear all the statistics but it seems it's such a taboo subject that I wonder if there are actually other people going through the same/similar situations. We had all the tests done when we had the run of miscarriages a couple of years - everything came back normal which apparently isn't that uncommon? Went to the doctor today and definitely am pregnant approx 6-7 weeks he recons and did see a flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound so all good at the moment. Doctor also said that as I've had 2 successful pregnancies since that run that he doesn't see any reason why I should miscarry but as we don't know the reason for those it is possible. I just can't face anymore doctors visits on my own so I am going to tell him tonight. He's scheduled another scan for 11ish weeks. So everything crossed and hope for the best!

  5. #9
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,169
    I have no experience yet since we haven't tried yet. And I don't know if it's any help, but stress on the body can lead to miscarriage, so if you can, try to relax, it's very hard to not worry, but you can tone it down by taking a hot bath or getting a massage. Also if your husband is stressed, it can piggy back onto you, so help him relax about it because his worrying will make you worry, and it becomes a chain reaction.
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