How long should you wait to have a second baby? Thoughts?

[kiki]

My brother was almost 5 when I was born and we've always gotten on extremely well. The siblings I've seen who argue most tend to have about a 2 year gap.

I think if they're close together then they basically grow up together and don't know any different. They're practically twins. This can make them closer but it may also make them rivals because they're at roughly the same developmental stage at the same time and going through the same experiences very close together. It seems easier, especially as they get older, if they're different genders.

On the other hand, siblings with some distance between them don't have that rivalry because they're at different life stages at different times. They're expected to be different. My brother had had time to distance himself from things by the time I went through them so there was no comptition between us.

Having said that, I do think it's largely how you raise your kids. Some families encourage competition without even realising it whereas others encourage a close family and sibling relaionships.

[gblondie]

There has been studies that show 3+ years apart makes each child smarter, happier and healthier. I'm not sure how they proved this, but thats what the studies found. My doctor backed up this information when I asked her. I don't know how this effects closeness in the siblings though.

[catloverd]

There has been studies that show 3+ years apart makes each child smarter, happier and healthier. I'm not sure how they proved this, but thats what the studies found. My doctor backed up this information when I asked her. I don't know how this effects closeness in the siblings though.

They probably did a survey other a period time with various families in order to get that data, but it makes sense to me since it follows what I've seen, but everyone and every family is different.

I tried finding the study, but found this instead:
http://healthland.time.com/2011/11/2...rter-siblings/

It argues for 2+ years instead of 3+

The article actually makes sense to me since my sister and I were barely two years and we never got along. She got all the attention and I was stuck hearing, as a 2 year old, "you're the oldest" it was awful. I don't want my kid to feel that way, so that's another reason 4+ is my ideal.

I also see the same thing happening with my fiance's nieces, Nora and Nina, they are about 19 months apart, and Nora often does things to get attention because of course Nina is the youngest and so she gets more attention.

[gblondie]

There is also a possibly link to autism in children less than 18 months apart. One study said 3 times more likely to have autism within that time frame.

[catloverd]

I found more articles on it, haha, I am now super interested in what people have say about spacing, so here's some stuff for others who want to read:

blog post: http://littlechildren.wordpress.com/...e-my-children/
study: http://www.freakonomics.com/2011/11/...o-years-apart/
jezebel: http://jezebel.com/5861441/more-spac...ir-test-scores
new york times: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2...er=rss&emc=rss

[rbmommy]

The fault in that study is that they need to compare equally educated parents with children to each other. They do not seem to have kept those variables constant so I don't think that study is very accurate.

[catloverd]

The fault in that study is that they need to compare equally educated parents with children to each other. They do not seem to have kept those variables constant so I don't think that study is very accurate.

Hmm.. I kind of disagree, it would be interesting, but I know plenty of kids who are super smart and have parents that are dumb as rocks (sad but true) The parent's education doesn't play a huge part, if anything, maybe it would be better to take in to account how good the schools are that the children attend. School plays more of a part in education than do parents. I always had to ask my teacher in school for help, because my parents knew nothing about what I was learning. There's a large gap between what a parent learned and what a kid is learning. Maybe not so much now.... but still you forget as you get older.

I think the studies are fairly accurate, but again, it varies depending on families and children.
Don't let my experience with my sister, nor anyone elses, decide for you. Each family is different.

My personal experience has left me bitter toward my parents and my sister. I plan on only have one child to avoid the older vs younger scenario. It's an experience I hated and I don't want to put my own child through it. If anything, I hope people do take into account that if they do have children close together, to not end up allowing the younger one to follow in the older one's footsteps. My parents constantly made me feel like I wasn't special. I had to wait till 3rd grade to get my ears pierced, my mom thought it was easier to get them done at the same time, so my sister didn't have to wait. I had to wait till I was 13 to watch PG 13 movies, my sister didn't because they thought because I watched them she could. I had to move out and get my own apartment before I could have a pet, a year later, while my sister was a Senior in high school, they got her a cat thinking it was only fair.

I just hope there are better parents out there than mine. They have left me incredibly bitter.

[strawberry shortcake]

I personally think the education of the parents is completely irrelevant and I don't see how it plays any part in the long run if I'm honest. I see no connection whatsoever.

[gblondie]

the only roundabout way I could see education of parents playing a role is this: Education can be attributed to Higher pay scale, therefore the parents could afford to put their kids in better schools = higher quality education (most of the time). Make sense?

[plato]

My mom had me at 37 and I always felt kind of...cheated? I don't know, she is 10+ years older than all my friend's mothers and it makes me sad sometimes.

Can I ask why you felt cheated? Was your mom "old" acting? Was she not as fun and hip as the your friends younger moms? Or was it that you felt she wouldnt live as long as your friends moms? I hope this may help to make you not be sad,.... if she takes care of her health, then she may well live into her 80's-90's or even older. We never know when its our time to go. And if my math is correct then your mom is 62 and that is plenty young enough to be an active grandma to your kids.