How long should you wait to have a second baby? Thoughts?

[rowangreeneyes]

My daughter is 8 months old and I have been thinking about the right time to have a second baby. I only want 2 children, and I don't know if it's better for them to be close in age or 3-4 years apart? I have had the Mirena IUD for 7 months now, so there's no chance of accidentally getting pregnant. I have to plan it. What are your thoughts on this matter? How many children do you have and how far apart were they?

Oh, also... I am 25 years old and my husband is 34. I worry that we should have our second sooner rather than later because we still want to be young parents. My mom had me at 37 and I always felt kind of...cheated? I don't know, she is 10+ years older than all my friend's mothers and it makes me sad sometimes.

[hayley88]

I think if you're planning on having two children a 2-3 year age gap works best. They won't be so close as they grow up if the age gap is bigger,I think.
I don't have children but I've heard people who've had children with a less than 2 year gap, describe it as being a nightmare.

[diana_m]

I don't have children yet, but my husband and I plan (to the best of our ability) to space our children 1-2 years apart. The reason for this is b/c I am 1yr and 9 months older than my brother and we have always been very close. My husband, on the other hand, is 6 years older than his sister and, while he loves her, they just aren't that close due to the large age gap. I think having children close in age makes it more likely that they'll form a friendship. Since my brother and I were close in age, we played together a lot and had a lot of the same friends. I treasure that relationship with him and I know my husband wishes he had something like it. That being said, I know it was hard for my mom to have 2 young kids in diapers, but I think (long term) it was worth it.

[cnd0020]

I don't think the number of years between siblings necessarily guarantees that they're going to have a close relationship or not. I've heard of siblings that were 12 years apart with a very close relationship. Meanwhile, my sister and I are two years an three days apart, and while we love each other, we don't see eye-to-eye on anything. It's personality differences, not the age range that makes the difference.

[cnd0020]

Whoops, footnote: DH and I are 12 weeks pregnant and I want our next child to come at least 3 years from now. But this one was a surprise, so... maybe that 3 year plan will get tossed out the window too, haha.

[dantea]

I've always read and been told that at least 2 years is the best to prevent health issues and whatnot. I can also attest to the fact that close spaced sibs aren't always close relationed. There are several closely spaced sibling at the daycare I work at who generally act like they hate each other. My sister and I are 10 years apart and we do all kind of things together. I love taking her places and helping her find herself. I also worked with a boy whose sister was 20 years older than him and he loved it. You never know. The closest sibling sat my daycare are 3+ years apart. The ones spaced closer together fight all the time over things because they're so similar they want everything the other wants all the time and end up in time out for punching each other constantly but they are the sweetest to their one year old sister (who is 5 years different from them).

Spacing means nothing for how close your siblings are to each other. That being said, i'll stick with 2 years to prevent those health issues.

[strawberry shortcake]

I'd wait around another year or so if I were you. Your DD is 8 months old, which means in the next 4-8 months she's going to become quite a handful, she'll be learning to walk, and when she starts walking, things get a little trickier because you'll need to be running after her to make sure she doesn't fall over her or reach something she isn't allowed. Does that make sense?

I feel like I'm not putting my point across well but she's coming up to a tricky age and I imagine being pregnant would be difficult and more tiresome than if she were a little older.

Another thing to consider is that if you were to get pregnant now, you'd have two kids in diapers which would also be hard. Its perfectly doable, but to make things easier on you, I'd wait at least a year.

Personally, when I have children, I'll be waiting until my eldest child is potty trained, walking and able to structure sentences before I have another baby. I also only want two kids, its just my own personal take on it.

Good luck!

[strawberry shortcake]

I'd wait around another year or so if I were you. Your DD is 8 months old, which means in the next 4-8 months she's going to become quite a handful, she'll be learning to walk, and when she starts walking, things get a little trickier because you'll need to be running after her to make sure she doesn't fall over her or reach something she isn't allowed. Does that make sense?

I feel like I'm not putting my point across well but she's coming up to a tricky age and I imagine being pregnant would be difficult and more tiresome than if she were a little older.

Another thing to consider is that if you were to get pregnant now, you'd have two kids in diapers which would also be hard. Its perfectly doable, but to make things easier on you, I'd wait at least a year.

Personally, when I have children, I'll be waiting until my eldest child is potty trained, walking and able to structure sentences before I have another baby. I also only want two kids, its just my own personal take on it.

Good luck!

[catloverd]

I want my children, personally, to be 4+ years apart (if i have more than 1, which I doubt) unless i have twins/triplets/etc....

My sister and are 18 months apart, we NEVER got along and to this day she doesn't talk to me. We don't care for one another as sisters probably should. I know families that a have really close knit relationships, so my case isn't necessarily yours. I remember wishing my mom would have a baby in middle school so I could have a new little sister/brother because mine sucked.

The reason I choose 4 is more for financial reasons, you don't have to pay for college at the same time for 2 kids, you do 1 at a time. i plan to help pay for my kids to go to college, so if you don't, then this doesn't really apply, but that's my reasoning. I'm also only planning on having one child though, so this situation may never happen. Also the close knit families I see tend to have children who are spaced farther apart. The ones that are closer together constantly fight. This is just my experience, it doesn't apply to everyone.

[r_j]

I don't have any kids, but my brother and I are only a year apart. I don't think you have to be close in age either to be close to your siblings, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. As we grew into adulthood it was nice to be on the same mental level (relatively!) and to talk about things going on in our lives. My mom said later that it was hard at times, but she didn't seem to paint it as this horrible nightmare. She was in her mid-twenties as well.

I am not making a case for having kids close together, just sharing my experience.