How long should you wait to have a second baby? Thoughts?

[pansy]

Honestly, I think gender of siblings has a lot more to do with closeness than the age gap. In every single family that I know where it's only two boys or two girls, the siblings tend to not be close, whether it's a two year gap or a four year one. If you're only planning on having two children, then personally, I would go for a four year gap, since as catloverd mentioned, that helps with only having to pay one college tuition at a time, plus you won't have to deal with two kids in diapers or two teenagers at the same time. Everyone's different though so you just have to do what feels right for your family.

[jessicat11]

Any number of years in between is doable, you'll make it work because you have to. Closeness in siblings has nothing to do with age everything to do with personality and interests (and how important the relationship is to them). We could all give a million examples of people we know and their relationships vs. age.

Having 2 really close together will make it very stressful at first, but it will eventually mellow out. Keep in mind they'll probably be "leaving the nest" around the same time too. If you wait the older one might be able to help more, or will at least be more independent, but it might be harder to get back into the swing of having a baby around again if you're accustom to a child. Also you'll get more time alone with the first child before the second is born, and more time with the second child after the first one moves out. Neither of these scenarios are meant to be specific pros or cons. It just depends on your feelings.

I'd base the decision on how my husband and I both felt financially, emotionally, and physically, when we're ready to have another one...not just a certain number of months or years.

[isirapjl]

My son and daughter are 2 years 10 months apart and I think it is the perfect gap. I am current pregnant with #3 and they will be 2 years 8 months apart so that will be similar. We originally wanted out first 2 about 2 years apart which obviously didnt work out but I think it happened for a reason. When DD was born my DS was pretty independant and a huge help rather than having 2 babies at home.... the difference between a 2 year old and a 2 3/4 years old is huge ! Plus 2 months after DD was born DS started camp and then preschool so 3-4 mornings a week DD got all that time with one on one attention. They love each other so much and still are close enough to play together. Also everyone is different but I think the 12-24 months age is the hardest since they are into EVERYTHING and get frustrated as they want to communicate so much and its a struggle so getting pregnant again towards the end of that ride was best for me...after 2 my kids both would actually sit for 20 mins and watch Sesame Street and/or play by themselves and give me a bit of a break when exhausted from the pregnancy... Good Luck!

[annad123]

My brother and I are 12 months, six days, and 20 hours apart to the minute, and I love it!

Growing up, we fought a lot and i think my mom was ready to pull her hair out when we were between he ages of 8-14, but then we kind of mellowed out a little. My older sister is 4 years older than me, and my younger sister is seven years younger, though. So we have several gaps, there, too.

My oldest is four and the younger one twenty months. I am four and a half months pregnant with twins (we are pretty sure they are identical girls, doctor wasn't sure.) BY the time the twins are born, Avalon nn Avvy will be five and Keziah nn Ziah will be almost two. I hope I'll manage.

I had Avvy and Ziah so far apart because Avvy was a bit of a handful, and she was my first, so I was just getting used to the whole motherhood thing. Ziah is a little calmer and easy going, but i still figured that I wanted about two years between Ziah and the new baby. I got lucky and was pregnant with twins (I'd always wanted twins when I was growing up) the first time we TTC.

Anyways, I think it depends on the family. I needed about three years with Avvy, but I think I'll be fine with the two year gap between Ziah and the new twins.

[martinezmedford]

In terms of the biology of your body, my doctor says women should wait 18 months after a baby is born to try again, because even though you're fully capable of getting pregnant before that, your body hasn't fully recovered in the capacity to give a new baby 100% of the right nutrients. I also read this number in the book Brain Rules for Baby that if you wait at least 27 months between births (18 months between pregnancies), their IQ has been shown to be a bit higher, likely because of the nutrients.

That said, I'm a "baby buncher" at heart, so when my first, Scarlett, was born, I started the adoption process for #2 right away, and when Scarlett was 20 months, little sister Harriett was delivered to my arms, at which time I had just found out I was pregnant with #3 (a boy, and we're thinking about Felix) and that leads us up to date. This blended-biological "baby bunching" has worked out splendidly. Now my children will all be close together in age and hopefully have similar interests and be able to scaffold and help one another during the school age years into lifelong friendship, and I will be over with the diaper years early on.

DH and I are still hoping for a #4 in the future, but we won't be TTC until at least 18 months after future Felix joins his sisters. Congratulations on your growing family, and I hope this input helps, regardless of what is right for YOUR family, since that's all that matters.

[rbmommy]

I would wait at least until you get home from the hospital to start trying for another one.

LOL..you might laugh..but I have heard from a couple of people I know who work at the hospital of couples being caught in the postpartum room doing things they should not be doing, while still in the hospital!

I think you have waited plenty long. My favorite spacing is closer together.

[meogan]

My brother and I are 4.5 years apart, and we've always been pretty close. We played a lot together growing up, and the only time we weren't particularly close is when I was 16-17 and he was 12. We reconnected when I was in college and we still hang out 'til this day. We have similar interests and personalities, and I think that's the most important factor.

My son is 22 months now and we're just starting to think about having another. I wanted them to be at least 2 years apart, because those first few years require so much focus and attention, and I don't want either of my kids to miss out on any of that.

[rowangreeneyes]

Thanks so much for all the feedback. I had always planned on waiting 3-4 years, but lately I've been thinking that if I wait I won't want another one. I'm an only child so it's perfectly logical to me to only have 1, but I always wanted a sibling when I was growing up so I wanted to have 2. I think I'm going to wait at least another year from now to start thinking about it again. Another reason I'm reevaluating all this is because my best friend is marrying her longtime boyfriend in the next couple months and she recently went off BC and is letting things "happen when they happen" I guess. I really wanted to be pregnant at the same time so our children would be really close in age (like we were, we've been friends since birth pretty much) I don't know, I want Rowan to be old enough that she doesn't feel left out all the time with a new baby and she can actually help me with things.

[whitney88]

When My oldest was 9 months old, I found out that I was pregnant with another. They are both girls. I'll try to give you the negatives and the positives since your daughter is 8 months now. Because they were close in age, they were both in diapers at the same time and that got expensive quick. They are now 6 and 5, and some days all they do is argue, over everything. But most days they are best friends. Even when we have play dates with other kids, they normally play with each other, and in large groups of kids, they always prefer each other. They constantly defend obe another, and are always wispering and sharing secrets. There is also quite alot of giggling in my house. I like the spacing that they have. It is challenging at times, but I love watching the interact with each other, and how they can comfort each other.
My husband and I are trying to conceive our third child now. This will be our last. I did wait a while to ttc the third child, because those first few years with a baby and a toddler, and then two toddlers was a little stressful. Now my girls are at an age where they can help me with a new baby. Overall I wouldn't change having them so close together, but having two close together is not for everyone, thats just what worked for my family.

[michaela]

I personally want 2 and half - 3 years between my children. There is 17 years between me and my older sister, 15 years between me and my older brother and 17months between me and my youngest sister so i can uderstand from both points of view and we are all reasonably close.