Dilemma: Twin boys and family names

[lnp838]

I posted this conundrum about a year ago if we ever got pregnant with twin boys and lo and behold we are pregnant with twins, and they are thinking they're boys (I'm 12 weeks)! Here is our dilemma:

My DH has always wanted to name his 1st son Jackie Randall IV. He is the third and goes by Trey, and wants to keep the tradition going and call our son Drew (for quaDRUple). Im not particularly fond of Jackie or Randall, but I like Drew and I like what it means so I have always agreed.

Now that it's twins we still plan on naming the first one born Drew - but I want baby B to have a name equally as significant so he doesn't feel less special. Coincidentally enough, DH's other (maternal) grandfather was name James Robert (he passed a while ago). This would give both boys names from their paternal great grandfathers, and the same initials.

Problem 1: I don't really like James or Robert either. I had a boyfriend named Jimmie in high school and pretty much all forms of James including J.R. remind me of him. The only nickname I can handle is Jake, which DH doesn't like. He thinks Jake is only for people names Jacob, and he's known a lot of Jakes that he didn't like - so theres a negative association there.

Problem 2: My maternal grandfather is named Gerald (no middle name), and even though his name starts with a G, I don't want him to get his feelings hurt that we only named the boys after DH's family. (But I am in NO way naming my son Jerry!!!) This is much less of a concern, but still there.

My thinking is that if we can't agree on a nickname, we should move James to the middle and pick a different first name. But then the whole equal significance thing is gone and a new problem is created. And I know DH has his heart set on this combo, so I'm scared to even bring it up.

Advice??

[elisabeth rae]

I don't mean to throw a kink in it but I don't know about picking one son to name after Dad. I know you're trying to find a name with equal significance but I don't know if you can. Being THE IV in the naming line is a big deal. The only thing with equal significance would be being a IV from the other side of the family, and even then, he's not named after DAD. Man, this is really difficult! I'm trying to think what I'd do in your place. I've worked with a lot of twins who are patients, and I just know that identity and rivalry is such a big deal. (I even worked with one with huge inadequacy issues compared to her sister and one of the things she always cited was that her twin was named after a grandmother and she wasn't. Kind of silly, but just to give you an idea...). If it were me I feel like I just wouldn't be able to do that to the other twin.

I know you can't predict the future, but I just find it wrong to choose one twin. I would almost save the IV for a different baby. This really is a dilemma.

[lnp838]

Yep. I had thought about not doing the IV when we were first discussing IVF and that twin might be a possibility. But DH has had his heart set on it for SO long, his argument was that they are different people. I get that, but my opinion is more where you are. I *think* James robert is as close to as significant as we can get. There are two JR's on his mothers side (father and son - although senior is passed away), but we are not nearly as close with him.

[elisabeth rae]

Yes, I agree that they are different people, which is why I always argue against matchy twin names (to each their own, but there are a lot of drawbacks for sure). They will always be compared, though, which is why I think making one of them a IV is just unfair.

I understand he has his heart set on this name, but these are his children and as a father he need to consider their well-being too.

I truly do apologize if I'm out of line with these comments/suggestions. This issue is clearly close to my heart. Twins are SUCH a blessing. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

[lnp838]

No, you aren't out of line I need all potential possibilities. Are you a therapist? How do you know the one set of twins with rivalry issues?

[violetgray]

While I dont agree with naming one twin after his dad I understand why you need to. I have also seen first hand the rivalry between twins and it can be intense. If you dont like James or JR dont use it. If I were you Id find a name you both Really love or the name or initials of someone you both love and respect (not necessarily related) for twin B. Maybe the name could have significance because you and your H love it or because it has the first initial of some one you look up to. Ive met some twin boys where one was named for his dad and the other was not and they both seemed to get along well and neither one acted dominant or superior, at least around me. Just picka name you are both happy with.

[claireelise]

What about James Gerald? What way, both grandfathers are honoured in Baby B's name. I agree, Jim/Jimmie is awful, and I understand why you wouldn't want to go that route for a nn. I love James as-is, but my favourite James nickname is Jem (and Jack, but that might be sort of strange when the other boy is named Jackie, nn Drew!!). Drew and Jem ARE cute together though!

I also agree with a pp that it might cause Baby B's feelings one day to be hurt, to be the twin NOT named after his dad. I know several pairs of twins, all of whom - while very close - have some jealousy/competitiveness issues.

However, I also understand that your husband wants to carry on a family tradition. Perhaps you could compromise with Jackie Robert and James Randall? A mixture of both the names? That way, they are BOTH sort of getting to carry on the tradition, while each getting their own distinct name filled with equal meaning.

One more thing to think about - it seems that you are pleasing everyone except yourself when it comes to naming your boys! Make sure you are happy too - afterall, YOU are the one bringing them into this world.

Congratulations on your twins! What an exciting blessing!

[elisabeth rae]

I was a counselor on an inpatient psych unit and am currently working on getting my license in social work

I do also agree with violetgray that you should be happy with both the names. You shouldn't have to remember ex-bf Jimmie every time you think of your son's name!

[pansy]

What about naming the other twin after your father? You could use either his first or middle name up front and your grandfather's name in the middle. That way, both boys have family names. Or what about your maiden name? Would that be usable up front?

[kala_way]

My opinion is, if your DH badly wants to use that name, go for it. I really like the idea of using Drew. You get the name without the craziness of everyone being called the same thing.

Since that was completely his pick I think you should choose a name that you absolutely love!

Then when you're talking to your boys later about their names you can say, "Daddy picked your name because it meant so much to him and his family and I picked your name because it meant so much to me!"

Maybe you can even think of a derivation of your name or your mother/father's that you really love.