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Thread: Grieving a lost name?
June 12th, 2012 12:33 PM #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
- New England
Grieving a lost name?
Our daughter's name had been settled - Cora Melisande - since almost the beginning of my pregnancy. Now, with 10 weeks until the due date, my husband confessed to me that he doesn't like it anymore. He can't picture calling a daughter Cora, and he doesn't like that it starts with the same letter as our son's name. He wants to change it.
Now, there are some small benefits to renaming her. Keeping the name secret is important to me, and so far 2 or 3 people know this one (mostly because of slip-ups). So a fresh name would mean it was absolutely secret. I was a bit unhappy about the same initials, too, so it'd be nice to change that. And because my husband was really hoping for another boy, I am anxious for him to be as excited about our little girl as possible, and maybe finding a name he likes more will help. (It'll be tough, since he hates almost every girl name in the universe...) I am willing to start fresh on the name for his sake.
But... By this point, I have been calling her Cora in my mind for months. The sound and meaning of the name have formed a major part of who she is to me, and changing her name would feel like swapping her for a completely different child. (For example, I even have a picture in my mind of what she'll look like - I try on the name "Alice" and that picture completely changes. Obviously I know she could look nothing like what I imagine, but the name makes a huge difference in how I anticipate her.) Even if we save the name for another daughter down the road, it would feel weird to bestow it on another baby, because this child IS Cora (to me), and if we don't use it, I'd feel like I "lost" her.
I am forcing myself to call her "the baby" for now, but "Cora" is always on the tip of my tongue and it's what I think in my head privately to myself. It's going to be really hard to change. Next time we are SO not finding out the gender, because I don't want to go through this again!
Am I weird to attach so much personality/identity to the name of a baby I haven't really met yet, or have other Berries done this too?
Has anyone else gone through something like this?Speculative fiction writer and mother to Charles Theophilus (2.5 years), Corinna Melisande -- nicknamed Cora (13 months), and the Tiny Girl (due Feb. 2014). Lover of studious, ancient boy names and sweet, intelligent girl names with a touch of fairy-tale beauty.
June 12th, 2012 12:41 PM #3
I would be crushed if after all this time, DF changed his mind on our favorite names, I can also already picture our kids with these names, and changing them now, would well... feel very very odd. I'm not pregnant, nor are we trying, but especially our boys name has been in place for years, and it is most definitely our son, despite his non existence at this point. For you, being pregnant, and focusing on your baby "Cora" for all these months, and getting to know her in a way that your husband can't understand, and then deciding that she just isn't Cora anymore must be heartbreaking and difficult to process. What about choosing a name with Cora in it? Like Coraline, or Coralie, Corisande or Coralynn or something along those lines, so she can still be your Cora, and his something else?
Lachlan Alexander - Evander 'Anders' Alcott - Cadmus Walter - Theron Xavier - Thatcher William - Peregrine North - Dresden Alasdair
Natalie Winter - Adelaide Pearl - Hermione Jane - Corisande Fable - Lavender Alina/Irie - Cordelia Autumn - Virginia Joy- Odessa Faye
June 12th, 2012 12:41 PM #5Senior Member
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
Unless he has some (good) name suggestions, I wouldn't change it. If he can make a list and you can agree on another great name I would consider it, but it doesn't sound like that's the case.--Villette
Mother to two wonderful boys!
June 12th, 2012 12:55 PM #7Senior Member
- Join Date
- Mar 2012
June 12th, 2012 01:28 PM #9Senior Member
- Join Date
- May 2012
That's so sad. You should show him this post. He may understand once he sees your feelings written out. As for the same initial problem, how about spelling it Kora? I'm really not a fan of messing with spellings like that, but if it would change his mind, perhaps you should consider it. I like the above poster's suggestions about Coraline or another longer Cora- name.