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Thread: Grieving a lost name?
June 12th, 2012 12:33 PM #1Senior Member
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
- New England
Grieving a lost name?
Our daughter's name had been settled - Cora Melisande - since almost the beginning of my pregnancy. Now, with 10 weeks until the due date, my husband confessed to me that he doesn't like it anymore. He can't picture calling a daughter Cora, and he doesn't like that it starts with the same letter as our son's name. He wants to change it.
Now, there are some small benefits to renaming her. Keeping the name secret is important to me, and so far 2 or 3 people know this one (mostly because of slip-ups). So a fresh name would mean it was absolutely secret. I was a bit unhappy about the same initials, too, so it'd be nice to change that. And because my husband was really hoping for another boy, I am anxious for him to be as excited about our little girl as possible, and maybe finding a name he likes more will help. (It'll be tough, since he hates almost every girl name in the universe...) I am willing to start fresh on the name for his sake.
But... By this point, I have been calling her Cora in my mind for months. The sound and meaning of the name have formed a major part of who she is to me, and changing her name would feel like swapping her for a completely different child. (For example, I even have a picture in my mind of what she'll look like - I try on the name "Alice" and that picture completely changes. Obviously I know she could look nothing like what I imagine, but the name makes a huge difference in how I anticipate her.) Even if we save the name for another daughter down the road, it would feel weird to bestow it on another baby, because this child IS Cora (to me), and if we don't use it, I'd feel like I "lost" her.
I am forcing myself to call her "the baby" for now, but "Cora" is always on the tip of my tongue and it's what I think in my head privately to myself. It's going to be really hard to change. Next time we are SO not finding out the gender, because I don't want to go through this again!
Am I weird to attach so much personality/identity to the name of a baby I haven't really met yet, or have other Berries done this too?
Has anyone else gone through something like this?Speculative fiction writer and mother to Charles Theophilus (2.5 years), Corinna Melisande -- nicknamed Cora (13 months), and the Tiny Girl (due Feb. 2014). Lover of studious, ancient boy names and sweet, intelligent girl names with a touch of fairy-tale beauty.