Thanks for the input, kala and taz. I've been warming up to the idea of marriage lately. I saw some gorgeous photos of couples married on a glacier and think that would be perfect for us. I just get so sad when I think of my mum not being there, but if I invite her, that opens up a world of hurt with everyone I don't invite. Oh, drama. :rolleyes:
Depending on family pressure, it is possible to have a wedding that is entirely special to you and your partner. You don't have to all the "regular" things that most couples have...you don't even have to be all quirky and unique and stylish. You literally need only a piece of paper, an officiant, and 2 witnesses. I promise you will be so much more satisfied with your wedding experience if you just start from there and work outward, including only what is special and meaningful to you two. Is there a special place? Grandma's backyard, or a vacation spot, or a school campus/library? Do you want to be surrounded by a cloud of family and friends, or just a few of your closest? Will your guests be more the dancing/party type, or more the sit-around-a-campfire-drinking-scotch-playing-guitar type?
Originally Posted by redwoodfey
We decided not to have a DJ, because neither of us are big dancers, nor are any of our friends. Saved us a big chunk of cash that we were able to use on things that were more meaningful to us (like awesome catering; seriously, our wedding food was amazing). Instead, we had a friend with good taste in music put together an iPod playlist, and another friend who knows a thing or two about electronics set up a sound system. Another charismatic friend "emcee'd", and you know what? Everything went just fine. Nobody was bored, people mingled and enjoyed each other's company, and everyone said it was the most relaxing wedding they had ever been to. I didn't want to embarrass my single girlfriends by making them come do a bouquet toss (and I DEFINITELY did not want to embarrass myself and my husband with a garter toss), so we just scratched that. I didn't even bother to buy a garter, and I divided my bouquet into two and presented a half to our two living grandmas. Won MAJOR brownie points with that one too. You don't have to have a groom's cake if you don't want. You don't have to have a unity candle and sand ceremony. You can have a morning wedding with waffles and bacon and mimosas if you want. I just feel really passionate about this, because I LOVE being married, and I LOVED my wedding!
We are currently "on and off", but I'll answer the questions as I would have done when we were in a steady relationship.
How often do you and your SO disagree to the point where one or both of you is irritated with the other? In the beginning, pretty much never. We agreed on nearly everything. We started to get irritated at each other about 4-5 months before we finally went separate ways.
What about an argument? Same as above.
What about an actual fight? As in heated words, things like blaming each other, bring up past issues, etc. Probably like the last two months we were together. It was mostly on me though; I wanted him to change. We were fighting pretty much on daily basis the last month.
Did the frequency change after children or with time passing? Or something like moving in together, etc? Do you have the same issues, or do you typically solve them and fight about something else next time? I moved in with him and his family when I got pregnant with Parker, and things were great in the beginning. It all started to get rocky when I wanted him to grow up, take responsibility etc. So it did have to do with us having a child together (don't get me wrong, I don't blame her at all!).
What I suggest to anyone who's thinking about getting married, is PLEASE take your time. It is a huge commitment to your partner that is not easy to break once you're in it. I believe you should date someone for at least 2 full calendar years before getting married - it takes time to get to know someone fully, enough that you can be absolutely positive you know everything you need to know and you want to spend your lives together. Especially if you are young, say, under 25 (the divorce rate is substantially higher for younger people) you are really just getting to know yourself & find out what your passions really are - that is your time to explore yourself & explore the world. End of schpiel.
We thought about eloping when wedding stress started to get to us. But we ended up having a lovely, simple, beautiful wedding, and I wouldn't change that. There are a few things I would do differently (note: do NOT sew your own wedding dress) but it was a great time to celebrate with our family & friends.