And another name remorse.
My boy will be 12 months soon and every day I cringe with his name. He has a sister who's name I love so this has been quite an awful thing to be dealing with.
I had a very anxious pregnancy filled with doubt, indecisiveness and worry over so many big and small decisions. I also had a husband stressing over boys names as much as I was. This with our silly restrictions on names left us with a small narrow selection. Looking back we made so many mistakes and crossed off so many great names :(
So with all this anxiety we narrowed our choices down to 3, then 2. Then a week before birth I didn't like any of them anymore but my husband was convinced they were great names and to stick with it. They were Roman and Anton, names I had picked. The 3rd that we eliminated was Lucas as we felt was too popular (along with all the Luke's and Luca's) and that was a name he originally picked. Looking back his list was so much better than mine. Damn hormones.
When he was born, intuitively neither name was right but I just was so grappled with the decision making I caved. He definitely wasn't a Roman, so I guess he was an Anton. But I felt so sad. I was not excited to say his name. I was living with these names in my head for so long and out comes a perfect little being, who deserved a whole lot better. My husband wanted to call him Anton and I thought it was just my anxiety and indecisiveness so I went with it. Big mistake.
Get home from hospital and told my husband 2 nights later I didn't like the name anymore, he got mad, said we are not changing it and its a good name. I have been so miserable since. Thought it would grow on me, suit him but it hasn't. I think Lucas would have been a better fit, but wonder if I would have regretted that too since its so popular. I think there may have been some regret, but nothing compared to what I have experienced this past year. I really think a common name would have suited him much better. Alexander was a name I have always loved but was ruled out as it was "too long". Anyway, I think out of all the names Lucas would have suited him best. It just keeps coming up. Funnily Roman has not, not even once. We are English so no heritage link to any of these names.
I dont know what to do, I cringe when I hear people use his name. There are no good NN I like, his middle name I don't like either. I left that decision early on to my husband as I didn't think it was important as I planned to call him by his first name. Deciding on one name was enough of a challenge! So most of the time I call him baby NN's like pooch or pumpkin.
Do I keep pushing to change? (I have been pushing all year) Do I just keep trying to make peace with it with a heavy heart? Call him Pooch for the rest of my life?