Adoption through foster care is actually completely free and you even get a monthly stipend, WIC, and daycare vouchers. The catch is that it is a very uncertain business, only about 25 percent of the children in the foster system become legally free to adopt. If you can be open to reunification though, it is a wonderful thing to do.
When women get pregnant via IVF, there are often embryos leftover. These embryos are then frozen. Families then have to decide whether to use the embryos themselves, donate them to medical science, dispose of them, or continue paying a storage fee. Fresh, never frozen embryos have a slightly higher chance of survival, but frozen embryos can still be implanted and be born just fine. In IVF, the first embryos implanted often fail and they will move on to the frozen embryos. I met a woman w. healthy two year old twin boys who had been frozen for NINE YEARS before she adopted them.
When we looked into this ourselves (this was in 2010) we were told that the embryo adoption would cost about $5000 for each attempt. You don't pay for the embryos, just the drugs and procedures. You can specify whether you want to be in contact w. the genetic parents or not, and even what characteristics you would like the genetic parents to have.
They could not say how many attempts it would take, but they did tell us that they would not try more than three times. So for us, we felt like oh, we could shell out $15K and end up w. three miscarriages and no children. We would rather shell out $20K and end up w. a child who already existed and needed a family.
I guess we were not feeling like anything could possibly work out for us right then. I think infertility will do that to you, make you believe that nothing will work. We had also just watched my husbands sisters do IVF (one of his sisters acted as a surrogate for the other) and they tried four times in each sister before my niece and nephew were successfully born.
I would caution you, whether you go w. IVF or embryo adoption, to really pin the clinic down on what the chance is for a live birth. What we found is that the clinic was calling IVF/embryo adoption a "success" if pregnancy was achieved. I do not know any normal person who would call a miscarriage a success. I remember their live birth rates being significantly lower than their "success" rates.
We were told that it would probably take about six months on the waiting list, then we would be matched w. embryos. I would then take the same kinds of drugs/hormones as one would for IVF and the embryos would be implanted. We had the option of doing this through the fertility clinic or going through an adoption agency. The clinic seemed simpler, no homestudy required or anything. We would have been required to see a psychologist to assess whether we would be able to handle this emotionally, that's all.
We ended up going w. traditional adoption (through an agency) and we could not be happier. We do have an open adoption, which we love. I know that sounds scary to many people, but it honestly isn't. It really is not like co-parenting or joint custody or anything- it's more like having in-laws, if that makes any sense. Anyhow, if you have any questions about that, I would be happy to answer them.
Thanks for cheering me on as you always do, everyone! :)
@MrsH, I guess I did give the impression that my husband and I watch two shows a night, so let me clear that right up without further ado. We too are devout one-show-at-a-time people. We pick a show and remain loyal until we have watched the series about twice through. For over a year we were with the Ingalls family, but for about a month now we've been whistling along in Mayberry and calling our future son Opie. Switching channels? No ma'am, not us. We didn't even know them things switched. Actually we buy our favorite shows on DVD, because we don't even have basic TV channels because we generally abhor television, apart from our favorite shows, to which we remain ever true. Semper fidelis.
Also, AWESOME that your husband isn't deploying! That is HUGE news. I was stressing for you and hoping you would conceive in time. (Still hoping you'll conceive by August, of course.)
@Blade, the HSG is scheduled for Thursday, May 16. I had scheduled it for this upcoming Monday but then realized that I can't do it during my two-week wait (and then I noticed that even the doctor's note said to schedule it for 7-10 days after the first day of my period). So now it's scheduled for May 16. I may have my period that day and hope that wouldn't be a problem; my period would arrive May 15 at the LATEST, but more likely around May 9-11. Also, I did talk to my doctor about what you had brought up--whether the scar tissue in my vagina will allow a baby to pass through. She said that if she hadn't read my records (that's why I love this healthcare system--she was telling me about my accident injuries without ever having met me before!), she wouldn't have even known the vagina had been in two pieces and sewn back together. The gyno who performed the surgery was my regular OBGYN for a while after the accident. He had looked at me shortly after the accident and saw scar tissue that looked like a burn about the size of his fingertip. The next time he saw me, he said that had he not personally sewn me back up, he would have no idea that it had happened. Today my OBGYN said that the vagina looks perfectly normal and is stretching just fine for her. Let's hear it for Providence.
@Whit, insurance and medical billing have caused me problems for about a decade in various situations. My heart goes out to you. It is an aggravation like no other. Go ahead and take a stab at TIB like the rest of us have done; it is therapeutic. Releases tension.
@Poppy, your potential plans all sound like very hopeful ones. It's so good to see that you are looking ahead. I too have looked into adoption (read about it all my life out of interest, but looked into it more recently out of fear that it will be my only option), and have been and remain appalled at the costs. My longest-standing life dream has been international adoption, which hovers around $30,000. If you do find yourself interested in that route, you may be able to find organizations that offer financial help. Shaohannah's Hope is one such (specifically Christian) organization that offers grants to Christian families who are adopting internationally, so I know such things exist. You have immense strength to be able to pick yourself up after such a blow and keep looking forward. Keep fighting for that baby. It will come, one way or another.
My non-Narnian pink name crush for this cycle is Cesia (SAY-see-uh), the Spanish variant of the name of one of Job's daughters in the Bible (here translated Cassia/Keziah). My husband really likes it. <3 But deep down it's still Narnia.
We have good friends of the family who ended up with a snowflake adoption. They had a little boy (biologically) with a host of terrible, non-survivable congenital anomalies. They loved him for the length of his life (about 4 months), picked themselves back up, and tried again. After all, their physicians told them it was a complete fluke, and that this constellation of anomalies had never before been described. They quickly became pregnant again, and baby boy #2 had the same birth defects. Exactly. He too lived only a few months. Then came a healthy girl. Then a third boy-- same problems. Now there is a new syndrome in the Medical Genetics literature called "[Family's last name] Syndrome." Since they decided clearly they weren't genetically fit, they went through a snowflake adoption.
My understanding is that it's approximately half, maybe less, of the cost of full-tilt IVF. Since the embryos don't have to be generated-- no ovarian hyperstimulation, no harvest, no actual IVF, no washing, no testing, no storage- the only costs are actually preparing you & implanting them.
I read a magazine article recently (in an Australian magazine) about "snowflake adoption" although they didn't call it that. It was about couples who had IVF deciding what to do with their unused embryos when they'd finished having their families. Apparently, a lot of doctors are trying to talk couples into donating their embryos, but the vast majority of people decide to have them destroyed, so there's a shortage in Australia. However, it's probably an entirely different story in America!
@alzora- I think we should make TIB dart boards ;-)
@blade- My heart is breaking for that family! How awful!! Did their snowflake adoption work out ok?
Megmarie - Clomid is indeed a bitch. Heh. Did you have crazy ov symptoms? I thought I had OHSS, b/c I had bloating and diarrhea for daaaays. I take my first cycle two pill tomorrow and, dude, I'm dreading it. But also looking forward to it. :-) You know how it is. I am really happy for you. I love Clomid success stories. :-)
Poppy, et al - I know three women who have had snowflake babies. All three had beautiful healthy babies. One of them took two attempts but the other two were successful right away. I only know how much one of them paid and it was $4K. I am sure there are lots of things to consider and I think any kind of adoption is absolutely wonderful. I hope to be able to adopt one day in the next five years or so whether I am able to adopt or not. Always been a dream of mine.
@megmarie congratulations!!!! Such great news!
@alzora what a huge leap in the right direction!! It seems as though your stars are aligning and that baby may not be too far off. I find it amazing that you had such incredibly extensive injuries that healed so seamlessly. If your visible parts healed that well, maybe your internal parts did too!
@blade what a heartbreaking story! So the genetic defects only occurred in the male babies? Is the syndrome that was named for them gender specific? Did they have family histories of congenital abnormalities? This story intrigues me and tugs at my heart in a way that makes me want to know more...
My period is officially 2 days late which is very unusual for me. I got what I thought was a very (very) faint positive this am but DH is more of a concrete kind of man and refused to believe it was a positive. I admit, I really had to be in good light at the right angle to find the sweet spot but I maintain there was a line darn it! Sooo, he went out and bought the digitals. I waited 4 hours to pee and the test came back.... Blank. Yeah, friggin blank!!! What? I immediately called the hotline and they told me I could have peed on it wrong! They wanted to know the angle I held it and if I recapped and all kinds of nonsense! So I waited again and used the 2nd digital and it was a bfn. Not surprised because that urine was more dilute but I was so anxious! So I am now test-less and hubby will go back out in the morning to get more tests. So we shall see...
@vitamom - Good luck! I've got my fingers crossed for you!
Good luck Vitamom! I hope you get a darker line tomorrow ;-)
How exciting, vitamom! Eep, hope you get a nice dark bfp tomorrow!