I would ask her first, to see if she minds.
I would ask her first, to see if she minds.
I think you definitely need to run it by your friend. They may have had three children since his death but they still morn him every single day. Very touchy area. If you ask, I'm sure she will say it's okay. If you don't ask and name him that then she will be hurt.
Logan is pretty popular (I know 3 or 4 under the age of 10). I would just ask your friends what they think. That way they at least have a heads up that you are considering the name. Since you only see each other once a year, then it may not big that big a deal. And they run into plenty of other Logan's when your family isn't there...
DEFINATELY ask first! Losing a child is heartbreaking and it 'could' seem like a cruel joke to her that your Logan is happy and healthy while hers passed away. Having gone through it myself i dont think you ever fully heal from that kind of pain but you do move on. That being said when you ask her it wont be unnusual for her to react with anger or sadness as an initial reaction. If a close friend said they were using my girl's name for their baby i know logically it would be okay for them to use the name but emotionally i would find it very difficult to deal with and my initial reaction might not be great. i dont talk about the baby i lost much anymore (though i think of her every night) but when i see or hear the name Tessa it fills me with so many crazy emotions. Even when i see people talking about it on here i get this weird possessive thought "but its MY girls' name' and feel irrational annoyed at whoever is considering it!
If you ask her and talk to her she might actually be okay with it from the get go or she might take time to adjust. also a good question to ask if will this put more distance between you and her? you were good friends before and you say you are not so close now but will this make the gap between you bigger?
i too love the name Logan and i can see your dilemna...if the name 'clicks' then you are going to have to be strong. you dont know anything though until you have spoken to her.
I don't know that there is a "right" answer in this situation. It would be very tough to be in her shoes, if you ask her and she feels that she should be okay with it (but maybe feels conflicted, secretly). On the other hand, it isn't an uncommon name.
Just in case you end up looking for other boys' L names to fall in love with, how about Lachlan or Lyndon?
since its common and was a while ago i think its ok. i would just mention it to them first
Hmmm. This is hard. Personally I would proceed with caution just because you were very close at one time.....I have a friend who was in a tragic car accident where she lost her baby at 8 months. She's not super close, but it very open about all the heartache she went through (losing the baby, being in a coma for 2 months, countless number of broken bones, etc etc etc) and I feel like it would be super akward all around to use that baby's name and I'm not close to her either. But, I see her more than once a year so it would be a little more "in your face" than if she lived in another state.
I would move on to another name or talk to them IF you think they wouldn't just say yes to be polite and then be resentful that you asked at all.
I tend to think that there are a zillion names out there.....it's hard when you find a name you like, but there will always be another one you can find (even if you're having trouble!). For them, that pain is probably always going to be there to some extent...and maybe more than you know since they had 3 girls and lost their one little boy.
I think @becaroo's very honest answer about her reaction to just hearing the name of her Tessa is a great guideline for how your friend might react. If you feel that Logan is the perfect name for your child, I think talking to your friends before hand would be wise. I don't know why you fell in love with the name, but if it has anything to do with their little Logan letting them know that you are choosing the name because of their child (and you can be as vague as you like. Wether you just fell in love with the name after they introduced you to it - which I probably wouldn't mention- or in memory of/to honor their son) might help them accept the thought more readily and actually bring them some joy.
I have a number of college friends I only see once a year and who live quite a few states away. Of course I was closer with them then, than I am now but because I still consider them close and dear friends I would be worried about using their childs names. In particular my childhood neighbors son's name was on my favorites list for years, but after he died I put it on the "love but won't use" list, for exactly that reason. (And while our parents still live next to each other, I rarely talk to her nor do we have any friends in common).