Category: bad baby names

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What Not to Name the Baby

disney

By Pamela Redmond Satran

If you look at the very bottom of the Social Security name records, you’ll find plenty of ill-advised baby names that people actually choose, and really really shouldn’t have.

The baby names here were gathered from names given to five children in 2012.  To protect privacy, the government only records names used for five or more babies each year, so chances are there are even worse choices out there that didn’t make the official statistics.

Here, what not to name your baby, and why:

girls

Ahmiracle and Dmiracle – There were nearly 800 girls named just plain Miracle, and then you’ve got your Jamiracles and your Lamiracles.  But we draw the line.

Assia – You just can’t give an American baby a name that contains the word “ass.”

Beautyful and Pretty – She better be.

Disney – Product placement?

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What Name Do You Love That Everyone Hates?

disapp

You might think of them as underdog names: The ugly, the awkward, the unpopular, or maybe the way too popular.

The names that most other people can’t stand that you secretly, or perhaps not so secretly, have an irrational, or perhaps perfectly rational, fondness for.

What are the names that you love that everyone else seems to hate?

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These Names Mean Trouble (Literally!)

upsidedownbaby

Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we choose a name that’s just a – well, not a mistake, exactly. In many ways, it might be a perfectly lovely name. Except for that little black cloud hovering over it.

If you’re aware of the cloud – and by cloud, we mean things like an unsavory meaning or disreputable association – then fine. You’ve consciously considered the down side of the name and chosen to embrace it anyway. That’s cool.

The problem comes in if you pick a name and then find out three months or three years down the road that there’s something wrong with it. Something that makes people look at you – or worse, your child – strangely when the name is announced.

That’s when we call it a mistake.

Baby names that might elicit an Oooooops include:

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never3

Question of the Week: Which, if any, names do you think will never come back?

What boys names and what girls’ names do you think have zero chance of making a comeback, and why?

Too stereotyped?

Bad, bad namesake—real or fictional?

Unpleasant/ugly sound?

Too tied to one era or event?

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Confessions of a Teenage Name Disaster

teenmomamber

Guest blogger Brooke Dowd Sacco, expecting her first child, is relieved she wasn’t a teenage mother. Sure, having a baby at such a tender age would have been hard, but what really freaks her out is the thought of the names she might have chosen back then.

I would have been a terrible teen mom. Sorry Farrah, Maci, and Amber, I just don’t know how you do it. No, I’m not referring to my parenting skills (or the lack thereof), I’m talking about baby naming skills. For me, naming my child as a teen would have been like selecting my husband in High School or getting tattooed on spring break: bad choices. Looking back through past journals and scribbly notes, the child that I would have birthed as a teen would have been named Tristan or Sayla. I happen to think those names are still quite lovely, but now that I’m four months pregnant with my first child, those are not my baby’s names.

Some teenagers have sophisticated, fully-formed taste in names — hello, teen berries! — but that wasn’t me.  Rather, like many people, my name tastes have changed and evolved over the years.

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